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My Show with a Hollywood Pitch.
The Pitch is everything in Hollywood. Thank goodness I'm in Illinois.

Lost Scene from "The Empire Strikes Back".
Vader had lots more to say to Luke than just that "I'm your Father" stuff.

Star Trek: Voyager Plot Generator.
Randomly computer generate a Voyager Story.

Sexy Cartoon Babes!
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The Diary of
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But who is Lauren?

Differences between Network Executives and Science-Fiction Fans.
If you don't laugh, you're not a Sci-Fi Fan.

The Day I Whacked too many Ewoks.
What the Hell?

You know you're an American Doctor Who Fan when...
Things are different if you're British.

The Sci-Fi Hokey Pokey.
That's what it's all about.

Robert Beltran Gripe Generator.
Now you too can bitch like Robert Beltran.







Missing Scene from "Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back"

I don't know who wrote this. It came in a forwarded e-mail. I made some improvements in grammar and punctuation.


Obi-wan never told you what happened to your father.

A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No, Luke... I am your father!

Luke: No. It can't be. That's not true. That's impossible!

Darth Vader: Search your feelings Luke... you know them to be true.

Luke: NOOoooo!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old.

Luke: No! ... Wait, huh?

Darth Vader: Seven years old. And what have you done? Look at yourself. No hand. No job. And you couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...

Luke: But... I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: But that was when you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed an entire Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it's not my fault...

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith... Nobody loved me... waahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up!

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had already exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon.

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... the Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine.

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.

Darth Vader looks down after him.

Darth Vader: And get a haircut!

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