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1-2- Broken Bow
3- Fight or Flight
4- Strange New World
5- Unexpected
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8- Breaking the Ice
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10- Fortunate Son
11- Cold Front
12- Silent Enemy
13- Dear Doctor
14- Sleeping Dogs
15- Shadows of P'Jem
16- Shuttlepod One
17- Fusion
18- Rogue Planet
19- Acquisition
20- Oasis
21- Detained
22- Vox Sola
23- Fallen Hero
24- Desert Crossing
25- 2 Days & 2 Nights
26- Shockwave 1
27- Shockwave 2
28- Carbon Creek
29- Mine Field
30- Dead Stop
31- A Night in Sickbay
32- Marauders
33- The Seventh
34- The Communicator
35- Singularity
36- Vanishing Point
37- Precious Cargo
38- The Catwalk
39- Dawn
40- Stigma
41- Cease Fire
42- Future Tense
43- Canamar
44- The Crossing
45- Judgment
46- Horizon
47- The Breach
48- Cogenitor
49- Regeneration
50- First Flight
51- Bounty
52- The Expanse
53- The Xindi
54- Anomaly
55- Extinction
56- Rajiin
57- Impulse
58- Exile
59- The Shipment
60- Twilight
61- North Star
62- Similitude
63- Carpenter Street
64- Chosen Realm
65- Proving Ground
66- Stratagem
67- Harbinger
68- Doctors Orders
69- Hatchery
70 - Azati Prime
71 - Damage
72- The Forgotten
73 - E2
74 - The Council
75- Countdown
76- Zero Hour
77- Storm Front 1
78- Storm Front 2
79- Home
80- Borderland
81- C-12
82- The Augments
83- The Forge
84- Awakening
85- Kir'Shara
86- Daedalus
87- Observer Effect
88- Babel One
89- United
90- The Aeanar
91- Affliction
92- Divergence
93- Bound
94- In a Mirror Darkly Pt 1
95- In a Mirror Darkly Pt 2
96- Demons
97- Terra Prime
98- Trip Dies in Riker's Holodeck!

Enterprise Characters
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Classify this under "What If?"

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Voyager "Endgame" Review
Their last episode. Our first review.









Enterprise review: "Breaking the Ice".
(Episode 8)

Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.
Enterprise

THE PREMISE: Enterprise finds a big comet and sends down Reed and Travis to take some samples and build a snowman. Meanwhile, T'Pol has to decide if she is going off to marry her potential husband from a pre-arranged marriage that we never saw or heard about before. And the bridge crew answers some questions from school children.

"Breaking the Ice"
Written by Maria & Andre Jacquemetton.


Spock's wedding Been There. Done That. Wore the T-shirt.

Didn't Spock have a problem about a pre-arranged marriage that he also dropped out of?

Yes. Yes he did.


At the least you could have covered a story not yet explored. What if T'Pol's fiance was coming up on the Pon Farr, and T'Pol has to decide to pop her fiance's cherry or permanently lose him to another woman. The Pon Farr has never been explored from a woman's point of view. Now I guess it never will.


Breaking the Ice The chemical psyllium is so rare, even the Vulcan Captain doesn't give a damn.

In case you didn't read the above line, I'll elaborate. T'Pol says the chemical psyllium that is buried in the comet is so rare, even the Vulcans have very little of it and not enough to study properly. Yet throughout the entire episode, the Vulcan Captain repeatedly stated that he simply does not care about anything Archer is doing, nor does he even care about the comet.

To make matters worst, Archer doesn't confront the Vulcan Captain about the comet's rare-to-Vulcans chemical contents at all even though everything is so obvious to us viewers.


Enterprise
And then two weeks before that, we saw another Vulcan starship hiding behind Uranus!

If these Vulcan starships were following Enterprise, where were they when Enterprise was under attack in "Fight or Flight"? Where were the Vulcans during "The Andorian Incident" when the Andorians flat out took over a Vulcan monastery (for the third time in a row)?

Since Enterprise took off ahead of schedule and made several unexpected stops in "Broken Bow", just watching the Vulcans trying to locate the starship and catch up to it alone would have been entertaining if done right.


Waldo I found Waldo but I can't find the Vulcan starship.

So, out of the blue out of nowhere, we suddenly unexpectedly learn that Enterprise has been followed by a plethora of Vulcan starships throughout the series up to now (all off screen of course), only we never saw any before and it was never mentioned before.

Right.


Teacher's apple Screw the other kids! I've only got time for Miss Malvin's class! If the other kids want to see this broadcast they can just change schools!

Archer and gang were answering questions from a specific fourth grade class in Ireland? Wouldn't it have made more sense to have Archer answer questions from children all around the world?

Yes. Yes it would have made more sense. That's probably why it wasn't done. Because it made sense.


Ferris Bueller Teacher
Archer? ... Archer? ... Archer?

I'm sorry. I just had to put that there.


Shuttle Pod
But if we did it the best way, we wouldn't have had padding to fluff out the 6-page comet story.

Instead of a five-minute segment where Archer and gang filmed some answers for a small fourth grade class, a news crew onboard to film this stuff for them and causing troubles for Archer and gang in the middle of a crisis had so much more potential.

Although "Babylon 5" often screwed up the idea of a news report from the station on multiple occasions ("The Illusion Of Truth" being the worst retread), it did do it kinda good with the episode "And Now for a Word". "Xena" did a comedic turn with reporters with "You Are There". In the original "SeaQuest" bible, there was a news reporter character planned who was to cause much trouble for Captain Bridger, an idea that could have contributed greatly to a few first season episodes if done right. Plus there was the opening of "Star Trek: Generations" that showed the reporters buzzing around the Enterprise-B bridge. And let's not forget "The X-Files" episode "X-Cops" that showed how the news crew could alienate the main characters all the way through.

And here was an episode of "Enterprise" screaming out for this. And with the historic missions and journeys of Starfleet's first starship, having a documentary crew show up at least once was kinda common sense.


CNN
This is CNN. We have 24 hour live coverage of the Romulans crossing the Neutral Zone. And stay tuned for our exclusive interview with Andorian Captain Shran.

As explained above, the potential for a news reporter, news team or school documentary filmmakers interferring with Archer's missions was priceless.

Instead it's all thrown aside so we can get a poop joke from the country bumpkin.


Reed Live? Are you insane? That's almost like we would be doing it as it happens!

What could have been done to also add to the problems of Archer and gang answering school children's questions?

Having it be broadcasted live to Earth.


Trip Tucker Then we recycle our poop into good wholesome products, like forks and lip balm.

And yet another missed opportunity: actually showing the kids in a class react to the tapes transmitted by Archer. Listening to a whole room full of children all go "Euwww!" at the same time would have been more funnier. It also would have been a better closing scene than T'Pol staring at a Pecan Pie she wasn't eating.

Just like J. Michael Straczynski, the writers of "Enterprise" are only getting jokes actually funny less than half the time.


Vulcan Because if we really did prove the Vulcans were spying on us, we wouldn't have any backstory.

And if Archer really believed the Vulcans were spying on the Enterprise to make sure the humans weren't going to "blow up the galaxy", Archer could have lured the expecting Vulcans into confirming this by tricking them into a trap with an open transmission to the school children, a news report, a live conference or a Starfleet report.

At the very least Archer broadcasting the school report on an open channel so the Vulcans could watch and learn too would have been cute. After all, the Vulcans were curious about the Enterprise just like the school children were. It all fit together. That's probably why it wasn't done. Because the pieces actually fit.

Instead, we get yet another round of "Vulcans are evil but we're not going to try to prove it", just like Trip not having Hoshi translate T'Pol's report in "Strange New World" even after he took it from her and suggested Hoshi could translate it. Or Reed's inability to comprehend scanning the Vulcan monastery for the spy array in "The Andorian Incident" just minutes after he complained about not spotting the Andorian ship due to lack of scans.


The Andorian Incident
Oh, that was So last week!

So here we have an entire episode that follows Archer's mistrust of the Vulcans because he thinks they are spying on him, yet not once was it ever brought up by anyone at any time about the fact that the Vulcans were just caught spying on the Andorian star system in "The Andorian Incident" about one or two weeks earlier.


Hoshi Sato
Little Ricky Whettestone from Illinois asks, "When will Rick Berman and Brannon Braga be fired?"

"Well Ricky, Mr. Berman and Mr. Braga are under contract for multiple years to come. Mr. Braga has at least a three year commitment for a multi-million dollar salary that he won't ever give up as long as the miracles of modern technology allows him to 'phone it in'.

And Mr. Berman, just as the anti-christ, is immortal and can never be killed. He has all the Paramount Executives fooled into believing the beloved Trek franchise is safe within only his capable hands, so it will also be at least another three years for him, too, before we may possibly have good and talented people in charge again. And even then, Paramount can always renew their contracts until hell freezes over. Thank you for your question, Ricky."




pie

To prove that I'm being influenced by humans, I'm going to stare at this Pecan Pie.

So, T'Pol decides not to get married, and to relay this major life-shattering event in her life across to the viewers, the closing scene is T'Pol staring at a Pecan Pie she didn't want to eat to begin with?

To further complicate matters, she wasn't even eating it now. She was just staring at it. Whatever.


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