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Enterprise review: "E2". (Fans 0)
(Episode 73)
Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.
THE PREMISE: Deep Space 9's "Children of Time" recycled. But at least actor Tucker Smallwood got some screen time so it wasn't a total loss.
"E2"
Written by Mike Sussman
Deep Space 9's "Children of Time"
Written by Rene Echevarria, Gary Holland and Ethan H. Calk.
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Banging the Engineer as a science experiment is highly illogical.
Many television programs, usually sitcoms, play up and drag on the "Will they or won't they" question. Many episodes back Enterprise concluded that question when the forced relationship that hit viewers out of nowhere this season between Tucker and T'Pol ended with a roll in the hay, then killed within minutes by T'Pol unbelievably passing it off as an "experiment".
This is one of an extremely few legitimate problems with continuity: If something sucks, the viewers are constantly reminded of this thing that they didn't like when it's repeatedly brought up. In this case, we're reminded of the writers cheap shots at trying to lure in an audience with sex to get quick ratings and their refusal to commit to it on any serious level as a long-term story or its consequences.
Now I'm not saying that continuity is bad, although the explanation above will be used by the aliens-of-the-week lovers, because continuity is good, not bad. After all, if the viewers don't like something, it's probably because the writers screwed it up to begin with. The point I'm making is the writers screwed up the stories, and because they also suck at continuity too, we're twice reminded that the writers suck.
T'Pol laid Trip as an experiment. Whatever.
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With 100 years of time to study the Suliban Cell Ship, the duplicate Enterprise can hit warp 7 and can cloak.
Wait, what do you mean you never looked at the Suliban Cell Ship? You've had 100 years!!!!
Do we even have it onboard? I don't think the writers even know! But the complete absense of a solid answer shows they don't care.
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Oh yeah, we've been detecting a human ship running around for a century now. Our escorts were even under fire when our proto-type weapon was launched. We just forgot about it until the exact day they showed up.
Because even though we really really hate the humans and believe they have entire fleets of warships hunting us down which we never saw, actual long-range scans of an Earth ship isn't noteworthy to pursue an investigation of.
Because there is no pre-planned long-term story-arc, only made-up junk as we go along that occasionally manages to tie one episode to another as we deal with sex and drugs subplots.
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I married an outside alien because it would be improper for me to have a relationship with a lower ranking crewmember.
Actually, even though this was stated by both Picard AND Janeway several times that they can't have a relationship with her crew, with Archer, it was never covered. Although it would have revealed much about my character one way or the other, it's best not to have actual CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT on a television show. Thank goodness we have spacial anomalies and technobabble time loops to carry an hour.
And thank goodness Mike Sussman was here to recycle a past already-produced script, because we also don't want to see anything new.
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Then my baby boy personally took out three Reptile Xindi Heavy Attack Cruisers and killed a lion with his bare hands before that proto-type weapon got through to Earth and killed his aunty in Florida.
All off screen of course, because it would have been TOO COOL to see this messed up Enterprise with an alternate crew take a beating and keep on kicking until the weapon got through and they failed with their century old mission - leading them to plan B which was where this episode begins.
But hey, at least Mike Sussman wrote a scene where we were TOLD it happened OFF SCREEN.
Sussman you wanker.
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Even though it was previously established on screen that marrying my human wife Amanda was the ''logical'' thing to do, now we learn that we not only had mutant offspring who can suck people's minds and spread diseases, but we took special medication just prior to my Pon Farr because we PLANNED to have mutant mind-sucking diseased children that could not be conceived naturally. It was the logical thing to do. Apparently.
And the damage continues...
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I'm a Vulcan. Don't get logical with me.
The Enterprise is thrown back 117 years into the past. The Xindi homeworld was just destroyed 30-some years earlier, so the Xindi would still be struggling to survive. This allowed Enterprise to get on the Xindi's good side by helping them when they're down.
And let's not forget the cowboy planet with a bunch of humans on it. The crew were after all trying to stop the attack before it even happened and change history, so what's the harm in changing it a little more?
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