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Enterprise review: "Azati Prime".
(Episode 70)
Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.
THE PREMISE: As a big ''F*ck You'' to the already alienated Star Trek audience, this episode forces on us that incompetant emotionally unstable 12-year-old Archer is single handedly responsible for the creation of the Federation. Meanwhile, Archer doesn't die and the Enterprise is torn to hell in a really cool ending that's 50/50 it will be a big Reset Button. We'll wait and see.
"Azati Prime"
Teleplay by Manny Coto.
Story by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga and Manny Coto
(the usual suspects)
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Imzadi Prime? Is this more name dropping passed off as continuity?
The planet was named Azati Prime. Prime? As in major? As in there's another planet that's a minor planet?
No. There was just the one planet that came into play. I don't get it either.
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Wait a minute! The most experienced pilot finally gets screen time and my scenes include accidently hitting the Enterprise?
One of the very few cool non-space-battle scenes you could have ever rendered, and you don't? That Xindi ship accidently bangs up against the Enterprise? Too bad we never saw it.
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Enterprise J? Let's go to the chronology, kids!
2245 - Enterprise launched.
2286 - Enterprise A (a refurbished decades old Yorktown) is launched. Timespan from last: 41 years.
2295 - Enterprise B is launched. Timespan from last: 9 years.
2343 (estimate) - Enterprise C is launched. Timespan from last: 48 years.
2363 - Enterprise D is launched. Timespan from last: 20 years.
2372 - Enterprise E is launched. Timespan from last: 9 years.
Six Federation Enterprises, with each launch averaging 25.4 years in between. But yet here we learn that in 400 years in the future, which is about 2554, we surf through Enterprises F, G, H, I and J. The last Next Generation time period we saw was ''Star Trek: Nemesis'', which was in 2380. But using the Enterprise J year (2554) and following it back to the launch of Enterprise E (2372), we come up with 182 years, which divided by ships F, G, H, I and J, means we average 36.4 years, a full 11 years more between launches.
Yeah, I suppose it makes sense that the further into the future you go, the more names you would have you can use on starships other than Enterprise, but also the further into the future you go, the more starships you would need for the still expanding Federation. But the point I'm going to make is this: Enterprise J? How corny can you get?
Oh, wait, here's another point: Why did Daniels tell Archer he was on Enterprise J? Why did Daniels just tell Archer that there would be a plethora of starships named Enterprise repeatedly launched over the next 400 years? Is that really information you want Archer to have in the distant past?
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''We have it all worked out.''''Yeah. Wait, we do?'' ''Yeah.'' ''Okay. Yeah, we do.'' ''I thought we did.'' ''We're quite pleased.''
As more proof that B&B don't know what they're doing or where they're going with this story-arc, this episode's story was co-created by Manny Coto, who just only joined the show halfway through the season, after the ''story-arc'' had already been in play for ten episodes.
You don't have a pre-planned story-arc with key pivotal events already worked out if later new writers can come in and get story-credit on those key pivotal events after the story-arc was half over before they even got hired. This isn't a story-arc. It's 90 percent aliens-of-the-week loosely connected with name-dropping with ten percent made up as they go along.
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If only we had a Suliban Cell Ship to... ha, ha, you know where I'm going with this. Stop me if you've heard this before.
If only we had real writers who could eliminate the plot holes and take the show and its content to its fullest advantage.
Archer could have used his magical spacesuit to leave the Xindi ship with the countdown ticking on the torpedoes, enter the Cell Ship underwater, and haul ass out of there. I'm not saying they should have done that, because I want Archer to die, but I want to know why no one else thought of it.
If only we had a room full of technology from the future to... heh, heh, I can't get anything past you.
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The Sphere Builders have the power to scan alternate timelines. They saw this future and needed to travel back in time to find a pathetic starship Captain who sucks so bad he can destroy the Federation by merely walking through the door. They chose you.
On ''Sliders'' there were aliens who discovered that on every alternate Earth they found, their's was the only one in which their lifeform existed, thus they went around and tried to dominate all alternate Earths. But here Daniels is trying to tell us that the Sphere Builders found an alternate future in which they WERE destroyed, and try to change it as opposed to staying in one of the others where they did just fine? I'm sorry, but I'm lost on this one.
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Even the Xindi will join the Federation in the future. Once Braga makes up time travel excuses to explain why no one's ever heard of them before.
Like the time Braga tried to insist that when the ''Star Trek: First Contact'' Borg Sphere crashed in the North Pole, they changed history and erased everything we know and love. Yeap, he actually said that.
Of course, even though the Xindi are known by Archer's time, they're somehow forgotten for the next several hundred years until Daniels says they join the Federation at a later date. It's right after B&B claim the Romulan Wars happened when Kirk was a child and they relocate the founding of the Federation to a new decade.
And Section 31? Forget it. We'll never see it with any story of substance because it was on Deep Space 9 and B&B don't like Deep Space 9. But hey, at least B&B are ''quite pleased''. Right up to the moment they are fired. Then we'll be ''quite pleased''.
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Yeah, curiosity killed the cat. That's why I have a dog.
Archer is in the future onboard the Enterprise-Jimmy standing in front of a big-ass window with the saucer showing. He briefly glances at the layout on the wall and doesn't even bother to look out the window at the ship's saucer nor does he even bother to care about the other starships he can see as they blast the hell out of Farscape's Moya.
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I'm going on a suicide mission! I'll give you your new orders when I get back. Archer out.
Archer knew that the Xindi would need the humans alive if they're going to survive the Sphere Builders, but yet he doesn't tell the rest of the crew and he doesn't even order them to try to talk to the Xindi even after he dies on his suicide mission? Archer himself admits that the Xindi would probably just build another super weapon. The guy's about to die and he doesn't even give any thought as to what happens NEXT. Except for his dog of course. He tells Phlox that his dog can have some cheese every now and then.
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Gold Star Bonus? Not yet.
Lots of continuity. Things from past episodes finally play off here. And the Enterprise is torn to hell in a really cool ending that actually causes me to WANT to see the next episode.
But don't you ever forget that the last time Enterprise sustained ANY battle damage that went beyond one episode, it was all magically repaired in the next episode. After all, the next episode is called ''Damage'' and will acknowledge this battle damage. But an episode after that is called ''E2'' and brings in what sounds like an identical Enterprise.
Reset Button? I think so. And so do you.
No matter how good you think the ending was, always remember that you can do the most dramatic hellraising if you can always push the reset button afterward. It's fun to watch, but does it count? I don't think it's going to.
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