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Enterprise review: "Chosen Realm".
(Episode 64)

Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.
Enterprise

THE PREMISE: Hollywood writes another typical predictable religious nut who takes over the ship. This time the writers copy the Taliban and suicide bombers so they can declare themselves ''timely'' and claim they're dealing with real-world events.

"Chosen Realm"
Written by Manny Coto


Reed A religious cult? About me? I told my fans to stop doing that.

Why is it that what I want to see as a viewer and what the Producers insist on producing isn't even close? You got this idiot here who believes God needs major hardware to exist and return. What I want to see is one of two things.

The first, I want to see Archer put this man in his place and get him to realize how dumb he is. If this really is suppose to be an allegory for those suicide bombers, who doesn't want to see someone get them to realize that the whole 70 virgins thing is silly. ''God said he wants me to blow up schoolbuses full of children and then he's going to let me get laid in the afterlife.'' Whatever.

The second thing I wanted to see is Archer try to put this guy in his place only to have God actually show up.

Neither happened. I'm sure walking away with unanswered questions was once considered ''daring'' in Hollywood. And you know B&B and the Clown College Graduates actually think this episode is ''pushing the envelope''. But if this is pushing the envelope, I want to see them lick it, stamp it and mail it, too, because pushing it wasn't good enough.


Mayweather A crewmember dies? It isn't me, is it? Because, you know, I'm not exactly being used to my fullest potential here.

And the second Enterprise crewmember to ever dies manages to die without a name.


I'm better off being Dule Hill's stand-in on The West Wing. He gets some pretty good scenes on that show. I can pass for him. Get my Agent on the phone.


Tucker Damn it, Captain, how dumb are you? Every week Kim Komando on the radio tells us to back up our files. The fate of Earth is at stake and you lose all of our data because some stupid alien hit the delete key? I can't believe they gave you a starship.

This is why Kim Komando is our Digital Goddess, kids.


Chosen Realm Alien Your Digital Goddess is truly more powerful than our goddesses. We surrender.

People today are smart enough to back-up our files, but people in the future are dumb and don't.

Whatever.


Kim Komando Remember kids, it's always important to back up your files.

Lesson learned.

Thanks Kim.


Admiral What do you mean you lost your copy? Well I never received one. Great, now we're both screwed. I can't believe we gave you a starship.

If Enterprise really has been in contact with Earth via subspace, then they would have been relaying their information they recorded about the Spheres. After all, this is common sense. So common sense says not only should they have a back-up on hand, but they also should be able to get back a copy transmitted from Earth.

But neither happened. Why? Because the writers are dumb. Why should we as viewers bother to put any thought into these episodes when the writers refuse to put any thought into these episodes.


Chosen Realm Alien My faith obligates me to be dumb!

Dumb enough to believe that Gods need giant hydraulic doors in hollow spheres to transport cargo in and out.

I think the moment that we see God using an anti-gravity generator built out of metal and other gizmos and gadgets that coincidently also have blinking lights just like a computer console is the moment you lose your faith. But this guy's dumb and so are the writers, so no plot there. I have no faith of the heart. Thank goodness ''Smallville'' was on.


Tucker 143 Xena-Bytes? What the hell is that? Wait, are we on Reed's metric system again?

And a close-up of the computer screen revealed all the information deleted totaled ''143 XB''.

Too bad it took repeated viewing to read it. What's the point of showing a close-up of the computer screen if...
A) you can't read it because it's too small (at first I thought it said 143 KiloBytes's.) and...
B) it's not on the screen long enough to read at all.


Reed Tucker's dissing my metric system again. But then that idiot still thinks twelve inches equals a foot.

I'm not going to mention that the crazy aliens are fighting a holy war because some believe it took nine days to create the spheres and some believe it took ten. I'm not going to mention how it's stupid that these guys who refuse to look at them, or board them, refuse to analyze them, refuse to research them, came to the blatant wild guess as to how many days it took to create a thousand spheres when T'Pol says there's only about 60. I'm not going to mention how stupid this is.

Yeah I will. It was pretty stupid.


Transporter In college you couldn't come to our parties unless you knew the secret beaming co-ordinates. We sure knew how to party back in the 2140's.

In Kirk's time it was difficult and dangerous for inter-ship beaming. It was too difficult to transport someone from the transporter pad to somewhere else on your own ship. This was a point of pride with the TNG that they had this technologically advanced ability to do this with the next generation of new technology. They played it up heavily in the early episodes, along with the "site-to-site transport" ability. But yet suddenly here, 100 years before Kirk and nearly 200 years before Picard, Archer can casually beam himself into another part of the ship, and T'Pol just casually plays along like it's a common event.

I'll also raise the question, why didn't they just beam all the aliens one at a time out into space? They were walking bombs, after all.

And do I want to ask why Phlox couldn't just disperse into the atmosphere a fast-acting sleeping gas? You think with all this technology more advanced than what Kirk has, Phlox couldn't do this?


Chosen Realm I'm channeling the great Sphere Gods through my body. Now let's never mention it again.

Wait a minute. Wasn't there a scene where the leader of the nuts talks to another nut about his belief that the leader is the chosen one who the Great Sphere Gods talk through? Then it's never mentioned again? They flat-out SAID that the Sphere Gods were doing their bidding through this nut. Then it's just forgotten and dropped faster than the ratings.

But wait a minute... If this guy is the one channeling the desires of the Great Sphere Gods, then who stayed behind on the homeworld to blow it up?

How do these scripts ever get to the production stages? Either B&B are so stupid they're not seeing these blatant plot holes, or they are seeing them and just don't care and insist us viewers are stupid and will never catch anything. Either way these people need to be fired and the show canceled and decanonized.


Archer I need to pick a crewmember to sacrifice? Can I pick that dead one you already killed? Because it would save me a lot of trouble.

Go ahead. Pick the dog. This religious nut is an idiot anyway, because that's how Hollywood writes them.


Archer Normally I'd pick Mayweather to die, but he hasn't been on the show for so long, I don't know if he's still even on the ship.

It really surprises me that the idea of using the transporter to trick stupid aliens into thinking that you're being killed hasn't been done before. Although in the TNG universe, I think only the Pakleds would have fallen for this. And it would have taken some hammy acting on Geordi's part to pull it off.


Phlox Sure I can abort your baby. For $120. After I'm done I'll even give you an opportunity to earn $20 back, if you know what I mean.

Phlox casually considering aborting a baby not only doesn't seem to raise any flags with the Captain or even Phlox himself, but the writers also just casually toss this in there? The first time Star Trek EVER even mentioned a casual abortion, and it's a throw-away line? What the hell kind of writer wrote this crap?

His name was Manny Coto. He was the guy who put a bunch of naked women and sex scenes in his science-fiction series ''Odyssey 5'' because he couldn't hold an audience with actual content. And this is why he NEEDED naked women to get an audience. And considering both this as well as the fact that Showtime didn't even air 1/3rd of his episodes that were produced, I honestly can't figure out how this guy got hired as a writer and Producer of a Star Trek series.

I remember when Star Trek used to mean something. It was around 1992.


Brannon Braga I think we'll drive the ending home by ripping off an old episode of Star Trek. You know, it was the one with the people who were half black and half white. Or that's what I was told, because I pride myself on not having actually watched the series I'm producing a prequel of.

After spending most of an hour with this Taliban/Suicide Bomber allegory shoved down our throat, they end the episode by suddenly out of nowhere claiming the aliens' homeworld was devastated in a civil war in their failed attempt at hitting us over the head with a sledgehammer for dramatic purposes. It was never explained why the other ships never said anything, or how they survived. It was never explained why these ships just decided to leave after Archer took back the Enterprise, as opposed to escorting the Enterprise back to their planet (Enterprise seems to have went back on their own). And if I bothered to look (which I'm not going to) I (and you) can find more plot holes that makes the ending of this episode even more annoyingly tokenistic.


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