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Enterprise review: "Exile".
(Episode 58)
Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.
THE PREMISE: Archer finds more spheres causing the anomallies. A horny lonely alien begs Hoshi for a private slumber party at his cabin in the snowy mountains.
"Exile"
Written by Phyllis Strong
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Hoshi's perfectly fine. Although I am jealous that the voices in her head talk to her and not me.
In a space full of weird anomallies, Hoshi starts seeing and hearing voices. Yet everyone's so damn dumb not one person onboard suggests or even raises the slightest possibility that the voices and visions might be side-effects of the anomallies. Reed didn't think of it when he ran the ship's scans. Hoshi didn't think of it when she couldn't find the answer. Phlox didn't think of it when he couldn't find a medical reason. And Archer didn't even think of it when he just turned the ship towards one of the spheres that actually creates anomallies.
But what's worst than the characters being stupid and not thinking of it, is the fact that the writers are stupid and didn't think of it either. Even with yet ANOTHER pointless addition of yet ANOTHER producer, this simple yet intriguing scene still managed to get past everybody.
And do they really need another hack producer hired? They've already got over a dozen now as it is. And can anybody explain why every single staff writer on this show gets a producer's credit?
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Then out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a better script, but it was only an illusion.
Reed says he thought once he heard the clicking sounds of an Insect Xindi.
Uhm, when exactly did Reed ever come into direct contact with Insect Xindis to know they make clicking sounds? There was a cameo by one down a corridor when they boarded the ship awhile ago, but it's not like they know these guys. Even in this episode it's reminded to us viewers that they "believe" there are five Xindi species.
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I'm not paranoid. But they're following me anyway.
We all remember in "Fight or Flight" that Hoshi wanted to trade rooms because the stars were shooting by backwards. She moved to another room where the stars shoot by forward now. Then in "Fallen Hero" her room didn't have any windows. Now in this episode her room is twice as big as before, and has windows again.
Then I think of those dumb-ass critics who praised Enterprise as "a triumph of continuity", or those other dumb-ass fans who cum all over the television sets last week because a Vulcan ship was named after a mountain Spock referred to once because a writer pulled it out of a list of stock Vulcan words left over from the days when people who worked on Star Trek actually gave a damn.
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Captain, I'm picking up a telepathic signal from two giant jellyfish off the port bow. They say ''Two moons, one moon circles''. Does that remind you of anything?
Since when did "Linguist" translate to "Telepathic"?
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I'll never telll-llll.
Here's a problem that's becoming more and more tedious. Scenes play out off screen, and we're TOLD what occurred. In this case, Hoshi's first one-on-one conversation with the mysterious figure where she finally learns who he is and what he wants, and just a couple sentences into the conversation, it suddenly ends and there's Hoshi TELLING Archer in Archer's room what they talked about.
You know, it's understandable to use a Captain's Log to sum up scenes that would be too tedious or too expensive to film, but in this case, you ALREADY HAD the sets, the actors on the sets, in front of the camera, and already started filming the scene. So why cut away just to show YET AGAIN Archer's tiresome room?
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It is illogical to recycle my stories.
Voyager:
"Alter Ego"
Episode 56
An exiled alien who has the ability to take an alter-ego human form falls in love with Tuvok because she is lonely.
Enterprise:
"Exile"
Episode 58
An exiled alien who has the ability to take an alter-ego human form falls in love with Hoshi because he is lonely.
Been there. Done that. Turned the channel.
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Screw continuity! Just watch me pout some more.
I know a lot of viewers will jump on the little throw-away line where the alien points out Hoshi considered leaving the Enterprise early on, but the fact is she didn't. She didn't want to do the job or go on the alien ship, but she NEVER had an opportunity to leave the ship at all. After all it's not like Archer was going to turn the whole ship around and head back to Earth. So while Hoshi may have wanted to leave, she never had that option, contrary to what the alien implies or the writers mis-remember from their own past episodes.
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This isn't a special-effect prop?! You stole this from the "Saga of the Crystar" 1980's action figure toy line! What's next? "Dragonriders of the Styx"? "Rock Lords"? "Inhumanoids"? "Jem and the Holograms"? Little pink "MUSCLE" men wrestlers? You're 29 years old, still play with toys and you expect me to lay you?
And the alien has a clear-colored crystal-like device that helps him with his telepathic abilities that glows blue by... flipping a switch? Because that crystal didn't fade on or anything. It just "snapped" on, like a button was turned on. And we know it was a fragile crystal, because Hoshi threatened to drop and shatter it.
While I'm talking about cheesy special effects, when the Enterprise lost power, the bridge monitors didn't go off, they were just transmitting a black screen to make it look like they shut off. Even in a dark room a running television screen will still give a glow, even if the image being broadcast is the color black.
We'll also go ahead and mention Archer bouncing the basketball off the walls. It would be REALLY cool if that basketball stayed stuck in that wall for the duration of the series, but it probably won't. But did anybody notice it didn't bounce off the wall the first time, but rather bounced off before it hit the wall? I believe it's because it bounced off the second ball already stuck in the wall that you couldn't see. There was some split-screen involved in editing, and some CGI fixed it all up. You figure it out.
And I guess I'll also mention the introduction of the new "bouncy" shuttlepod. Yeah, it was cool watching it bounce around. But WHY was it bouncing like it was rubber hitting rubber?
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It's okay for your dog to crap in the hall and you bring hookers onboard, but when we can get a telepath that could actually help us on our mission, you brush it aside? I can't believe they gave you a starship.
The alien kept whining and pleading for Hoshi to stay with him.
Does somebody want to tell me why the alien couldn't stay with Hoshi on the Enterprise for those few months it would take to complete their mission?
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