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Enterprise Pages Enterprise Home

Episode Reviews
1-2- Broken Bow
3- Fight or Flight
4- Strange New World
5- Unexpected
6- Terra Nova
7- The Andorian Incident
8- Breaking the Ice
9- Civilization
10- Fortunate Son
11- Cold Front
12- Silent Enemy
13- Dear Doctor
14- Sleeping Dogs
15- Shadows of P'Jem
16- Shuttlepod One
17- Fusion
18- Rogue Planet
19- Acquisition
20- Oasis
21- Detained
22- Vox Sola
23- Fallen Hero
24- Desert Crossing
25- 2 Days & 2 Nights
26- Shockwave 1
27- Shockwave 2
28- Carbon Creek
29- Mine Field
30- Dead Stop
31- A Night in Sickbay
32- Marauders
33- The Seventh
34- The Communicator
35- Singularity
36- Vanishing Point
37- Precious Cargo
38- The Catwalk
39- Dawn
40- Stigma
41- Cease Fire
42- Future Tense
43- Canamar
44- The Crossing
45- Judgment
46- Horizon
47- The Breach
48- Cogenitor
49- Regeneration
50- First Flight
51- Bounty
52- The Expanse
53- The Xindi
54- Anomaly
55- Extinction
56- Rajiin
57- Impulse
58- Exile
59- The Shipment
60- Twilight
61- North Star
62- Similitude
63- Carpenter Street
64- Chosen Realm
65- Proving Ground
66- Stratagem
67- Harbinger
68- Doctors Orders
69- Hatchery
70 - Azati Prime
71 - Damage
72- The Forgotten
73 - E2
74 - The Council
75- Countdown
76- Zero Hour
77- Storm Front 1
78- Storm Front 2
79- Home
80- Borderland
81- C-12
82- The Augments
83- The Forge
84- Awakening
85- Kir'Shara
86- Daedalus
87- Observer Effect
88- Babel One
89- United
90- The Aeanar
91- Affliction
92- Divergence
93- Bound
94- In a Mirror Darkly Pt 1
95- In a Mirror Darkly Pt 2
96- Demons
97- Terra Prime
98- Trip Dies in Riker's Holodeck!

Enterprise Characters
Breakdown of who's who.

Enterprise Actors
Breakdown of who's ugly.

Star Trek History
Quick summary of what came before.

Detachable Saucer
Classify this under "What If?"

What other people think.

Voyager "Endgame" Review
Their last episode. Our first review.

Enterprise review: "Rajiin".
(Episode 56)

Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.

THE PREMISE: The Xindi make their seventeenth threat to attack. Archer takes up pimping. The crew get horny. Galaxy Quest aliens attack the ship. The Xindi make their eighteenth threat to attack. Meanwhile, ''Smallville'' premieres its third season on WB.

Teleplay by Brent V. Friedman and Chris Black
Story by Paul Brown and Brent V. Friedman

Mayweather Hey! The Xindi making threats get more screen time than I do. What's going on here?

And once again we're back to pointless scenes of the Xindi making shallow threats to "attack". Stuff like "We'll attack them ourselves" or "We won't wait any longer" or "I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you and that pesky dog."

Until these guys actually pull the trigger, shoot Archer or T'Pol in the head and drop them dead to the floor, it's all talk. And since we know they won't attack Earth, where exactly our we suppose to go from here?

Yeah, they attacked the ship in this episode, but then they stopped and left. I'll rephrase it for you Enterprise fanatics: The Xindi attacked and boarded the Enterprise, had the crew beaten down, then LEAVE with a woman who has information that would allow the Xindi to attack the ship and have the crew beaten down. They've got to be dumb or something.

T'Pol and Tucker in decon Ooh, yeah, rubbing my jaw feels so good. Ooh, yeah, eating that peach tastes so good. Ooh, yeah, pretending that sexual tension exists to falsely jack up the low ratings feels so good.

With previous foot massage-orgies written by Berman and Braga, and this episode written by other people, it's pretty clear that the entire writing staff pretty much sucks with trying to create honest sexual tension. The only constant throughout the episodes' various scenes is the two actors. And they ain't relaying that feeling across to the viewers either.

Chelsea Noble and Kirk Cameron

Sexual Tension Watch: Kirk Cameron and his wife Chelsea Noble on episodes of "Growing Pains" and "Kirk". These were family sitcoms and yet they still did the sexual tension better. While on "Enterprise" Tucker and T'Pol has already past the point of "tedious", so put your clothes back on and put the peaches away. You've already had four chances and blew every one.

Tucker Oh, I'm so emotionally distraught, I really need to be laid. T'Pol? T'Pol? Where did you go?

Yeah, Tucker's so emotionally distraught over his sister's death. But come on! Due to Enterprise's time-skipping adventures, he's been distraught for like, a half a year already. It took you five months just to get to Xindi space. Go to sleep already.

Phlox and Archer My records indicate that when we left Earth, Lt. Reed was the only crewmember onboard with VD. Now you have it, too. Care to explain?

So what was up with Archer being sick? Was that suppose to be a side-effect of last week's mutation Archer went through? Because Archer mentioned he had a dream of the alien city again. But then Hoshi and Reed seemed to be just fine, as neither were complaining of being mutated OR having dreams of the city.

Was it suppose to be a side-effect of the spacial anomalies? Because in the same conversation, Phlox said Ensign Cutler broke her arm because of them.

Look, continuity is one thing, and is desired by the audience. But not making clear what Archer was experiencing, only to confuse matters worse by talking about the anomalies causing physical and health problems, is a clear example of bad writing. What was the point of all of those scenes if you're going to be confusing with the continuity by swaying back and forth between explaining two different possible causes?

Xindi and Galaxy Quest aliens
It's the most original design we ever stole!

Can't these guys come up with anything original? They already stole the Breen design from the Star Wars alien bounty hunter Boush. But who do we have here? The Enterprise gets attacked and boarded by Galaxy Quest aliens. All they did was take a Babylon 5 Drazi, and stick the Galaxy Quest aliens' dangly things on the top of their heads.

Star Wars Boushh and Star Trek Breen

Could Lucasfilm or JMS or Tim Allen or somebody please sue the asses off of Berman and Braga? They're not only destroying the memory of Star Trek, but they're destroying the memories of all the other science-fiction series and movies, too. What's next? Suliban Dalek War Machines? Fire Michael Westmore, too. He ran out of steam back in the Voyager days.

Do I need to point out to you that Gene Roddenberry's original ideas for Star Trek included aliens with tails? Do you really need to recycle or steal others' aliens when you haven't even implemented Roddenberry's ideas from a 1964 writer's bible yet?

Daniels And if you ever bring onboard some hookers, I have a device in my quarters from the future that will replicate an endless supply of clothes for them.

I'm not going to mention how Rajiin managed to scrounge up a supply of scantily-clad dresses while onboard Enterprise.

Battle Beasts Fire burns wood! Wood floats on water! Water puts out fire! Grrrrrr!

And of course, only four episodes into the season, two of those four episodes both began and ended with the Battle Beast Xindis making shallow threats to destroy the ship. The Teaser. And the closing scenes.

If that 50/50 ratio keeps up, that means another 11 episodes to come will open and end with ''West Wing''-type conference room scenes of Cricket Xindi, Tucker Xindi, Furby Xindi, Leech Xindi and Galaxy Quest Xindi making more shallow threats. Give these guys their own spin-off!

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