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Voyager "Endgame" Review
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Enterprise review: "Extinction".
(Episode 55)

Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.
Enterprise

THE PREMISE: The crew mutate into aliens-of-the-weeks.

"Extinction"
Written by Andre Bormanis


T'Pol Quick! All the crewmembers that landed on the planet are mutating into monsters! Lt. Reed, I need you to send down some more crew to land on the planet to rescue us. It's the logical thing to do.

Yeap. That's what T'Pol said. Her exact words: ''Send a security team to the surface. We're being altered by some kind of...'' She just said that everybody who landed on the planet was mutating, and she just asked for more crew to come on down. You can thank the writers for that stupidness. And because nothing gets past B&B without their approval, send them a thank you note, too, for once again making the characters dumb.


Barclay The crew mutate into monsters? Why have I heard that before?

It was called ''Genesis''. In this ''Star Trek: The Next Generation'' episode, the crew of the Enterprise mutate into various monsters. There were also some Voyager episodes where they mutated, too. But I try to forget those.

And don't hide behind that lame excuse that the new viewers that "Enterprise" is supposed to be bringing in haven't seen those old episodes so it's new to them. That's saying the core Trek audience who has actually seen the old shows don't seem to count. It also implies that the new viewers are ignorant and stupid, and that they don't ever intend to watch the old ones. Recycling these stories are annoying the old viewers now when they watch "Enterprise", and will annoy the new viewers later when they try to watch TNG and other shows.

And don't tell me that a massive mutation of the body that changes the bone structure within one minute wouldn't have caused so much pain and major damage to their bodies, that it probably should have killed them.


Phlox I was wrong, Captain. Tucker didn't have the alien hillbilly virus after all. It turned out he was a country bumpkin naturally. I can't cure him.

You create a virus that turns other aliens into your species, gives them memories of your language to communicate with others and the location of an underground city, but manages to block out all previous memories of the hosts' intelligence and manners and replaces them with the manners of someone who was born in a barn and was raised by wolves? Hillbilly aliens didn't build that underground city. So who the hell creates a virus that transforms other species into a hillbilly version of your own?


Gun HooRah!

What's the point of sending down extermination squads to toast the mutated aliens with flamethrowers when they could take off running? Do you really want a flaming mutated alien running around? They'll catch things on fire. Why didn't those flamethrowers include a gun built onto them. You kill the mutated alien first, then burn it to kill the virus.

And since the entire planet is infected by the virus, what's the point of burning the single body? You're still stuck with the virus in the ground, vegetation, air, etc. Just shoot the alien dead and go home. Burning the body doesn't help anybody at all.

They said that nobody knew why they didn't reprogram the virus to shut off once the aliens got their population back. Uhm... how do you reprogram a virus?

The TrekNation reviewer asked why the Xindi didn't make mention of this planet as being bad in their log when they visited it. I would like to know, too.

Why didn't the extermination squads put a warning beacon in orbit? Why didn't they just permenantly leave a ship in orbit or a defense system? They were close enough to know that not only did some Xindi land on the planet, but they knew the Enterprise crew landed as well. If they want to stop the virus from spreading, why be so close to know people had already landed but far enough away to not stop them from landing to begin with?

Why not try a global nuking? I hear the Xindi are working on something that would do that.

The extermination squads were concerned about the virus spreading to other worlds. How do you manage to land, get infected, take off, and not mutate until you get home? Non-infected crews taking a quarantined infected crewmember home, yeah, okay. But most people infected wouldn't get that far to get captured by their uninfected shipmates.

Too many questions here. No answers that make any sense.


Hoshi Oh no, Captain. The alien virus mutated me into a horny young schoolgirl who needs my wanton desires fulfilled. Spank me. Then I'll spank you.

I've said in several previous reviews that an uncomfortable sexual relationship should be there between Archer and Hoshi, along the lines of what Kirk had with Yeoman Rand. There was SOOOO many opportunities to have taken this forward. And with mutant Reed out of the way and Archer and Hoshi the only ones left under the virus, what was to stop them?

When Tom Paris beat warp 10, got turned into a lizard and mated with Captain Janeway, they produced offspring but that was never mentioned again. This is something that could have been. Archer and Hoshi going at it here was more believable than slug-Paris and slug-Janeway.


Braga and Berman ''We put the ''WRek'' into Star Trek.''

''Yeap.''

''But the 'W' is silent.''

''Yeap''.

''And there's a 'T'.''

''Yeap.''


UPN recently sent out a memo to UPN affiliate stations telling them that the show would be called "Star Trek Enterprise" in the promotions. Then they sent a second memo to clarify the first that the promotions will be called "Star Trek Enterprise" but that the series itself has not changed its name and will continue to be called just "Enterprise". These memos were a couple of weeks ago. Then this episode airs and the words "Star Trek" now appears in the title with the word "Enterprise".

It doesn't matter. It's not a Star Trek series that the fanbase will ever take seriously. They've already f*cked over every other Trek series by rewriting their histories in order to make up stories for this one. Ferengi show up. Romulans have advanced cloaking technology already. Romulan ships did NOT have the warbird design on their hull, one of the very pieces of information that was known by Kirk's time. The Borg receives a homing signal from Enterprise's contact nearly a century after they had already been near Federation space because of Guinan's people. Spock's a mutant freak because he can mind meld. Every Vulcan is a mean liar and has emotional problems. Female Vulcans experience the Pon Farr. The threat of the Regulan Bloodworms are crapped on by the writers so they can have a throw-away joke they thought would make fans giggle. Archer's an emotionally unstable 12 year-old. Live subspace transmissions with Earth when Kirk's communications were on a delay. ''Disasterous first contact with the Klingons'' never happened like Picard said it did.

This comes the same week that the new issue of TV Guide has this to say on ''Smallville'': ''But this drama has succeeded in adding twists to the young hero's life without compromising the adult icon's legend.'' Without even trying, TV Guide just summed up why Enterprise sucks and why the fans will never support it. Because it throws away and contradicts what is already established, instead of filling in the missing gaps like a prequel is suppose to do.

But one of the biggest oddities of this whole thing was Rick Berman and Brannon Braga themselves came out early on prior to the series premiere and claimed there was a ''reason'' that warranted the dropping of the words ''Star Trek'' from the title, although they never elaborated or explained what this mysterious ''reason'' was. Now entering the third season, this mysterious reason still was never explained, and now they suddenly change it back WITHIN a season, three weeks AFTER the season premiere.


T'Pol and Tucker in decon Phlox said the only way to fight the virus is to spread peach juice all over our bodies and lick it off. I'll go first.

The first action Hollywood takes when you're desperate for ratings: sex it up. Throughout the last year and a half when the realization hit the producers that they ain't getting the glorious higher ratings that former UPN President Dean Valentine ''predicted'', the number of scenes of topless Hoshi and topless T'Pol and horny T'Pol and decon orgies skyrocketed. The season premiere included blatant topless T'Pol scenes, and this episode continues that tradition with some more forced sexual tension between Tucker and T'Pol, this time having T'Pol take a bite out of a peach of all things. The only thing missing was close-ups of the peach juice dripping down from T'Pol's chin. It doesn't matter anyway. The scene wasn't sexy like they intended it to be. I don't think Blalock realized what the writers were trying to do, as so many scenes have played out better in the scripts than the actors themselves play them out on the show.

This episode ends with a preview for next week's episode, in which a space hooker flirts with all the Enterprise crew, making them hot and horny, and causing Archer to want to get it on.


Phlox I cured that mutating virus days ago, Captain. There's no need for you to continue eating my maggot collection.

With all those scenes devoted to the mysterious destruction of the people and its city, never explaining or revealing what caused them to go sterile, what caused them to not stop the virus, or what caused the city itself to be destroyed, it's disappointing to have Archer give some small token speech at the end about how they should preserve the virus.

I have no problem with stories that never reveal or conclude certain mysteries, like that weird alien water fountain in TNG's ''Final Mission'', the origin of TOS's ''Doomsday Machine'' or Tuvok's virus in VOY's ''Flashback''. But I do have a problem with stories that don't acknowledge that they never concluded it. I would have enjoyed this a little better if someone said ''We may never know what happened to the original aliens'' or what caused the race to go sterile or ''What wiped out their population after the virus was created may never be known.'' But to simply drop it without a word, that annoys me. And were those aliens on that planet in the opening suppose to be mutated Xindi?


Phlox I'm a Doctor damn it, not a tailor. Oh wait, I'm both. Here's your bill.

Because even though Archer had torn and dirty clothes on the planet, when Archer and Hoshi returned and got cured in a hurry and rushed to the bridge during a chase, he managed to walk onto the bridge with clothes that were cleaner and sewed back up.


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