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Episode Reviews
1-2- Broken Bow
3- Fight or Flight
4- Strange New World
5- Unexpected
6- Terra Nova
7- The Andorian Incident
8- Breaking the Ice
9- Civilization
10- Fortunate Son
11- Cold Front
12- Silent Enemy
13- Dear Doctor
14- Sleeping Dogs
15- Shadows of P'Jem
16- Shuttlepod One
17- Fusion
18- Rogue Planet
19- Acquisition
20- Oasis
21- Detained
22- Vox Sola
23- Fallen Hero
24- Desert Crossing
25- 2 Days & 2 Nights
26- Shockwave 1
27- Shockwave 2
28- Carbon Creek
29- Mine Field
30- Dead Stop
31- A Night in Sickbay
32- Marauders
33- The Seventh
34- The Communicator
35- Singularity
36- Vanishing Point
37- Precious Cargo
38- The Catwalk
39- Dawn
40- Stigma
41- Cease Fire
42- Future Tense
43- Canamar
44- The Crossing
45- Judgment
46- Horizon
47- The Breach
48- Cogenitor
49- Regeneration
50- First Flight
51- Bounty
52- The Expanse
53- The Xindi
54- Anomaly
55- Extinction
56- Rajiin
57- Impulse
58- Exile
59- The Shipment
60- Twilight
61- North Star
62- Similitude
63- Carpenter Street
64- Chosen Realm
65- Proving Ground
66- Stratagem
67- Harbinger
68- Doctors Orders
69- Hatchery
70 - Azati Prime
71 - Damage
72- The Forgotten
73 - E2
74 - The Council
75- Countdown
76- Zero Hour
77- Storm Front 1
78- Storm Front 2
79- Home
80- Borderland
81- C-12
82- The Augments
83- The Forge
84- Awakening
85- Kir'Shara
86- Daedalus
87- Observer Effect
88- Babel One
89- United
90- The Aeanar
91- Affliction
92- Divergence
93- Bound
94- In a Mirror Darkly Pt 1
95- In a Mirror Darkly Pt 2
96- Demons
97- Terra Prime
98- Trip Dies in Riker's Holodeck!

Enterprise Characters
Breakdown of who's who.

Enterprise Actors
Breakdown of who's ugly.

Star Trek History
Quick summary of what came before.

Detachable Saucer
Classify this under "What If?"

What other people think.

Voyager "Endgame" Review
Their last episode. Our first review.

Enterprise review: "Unexpected".
(Episode 5)

Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.

THE PREMISE: Enterprise finds an alien-of-the-week ship hiding in their plasma exhaust (or something), a ship that was undetectable because of Enterprise's bad design. Trip Tucker goes over and gets knocked up, coming back preggers. After the alien ship takes off, Enterprise tracks it down and discovers it is now hiding behind a homicidal Klingon ship that also happened to have the exact same design flaw. Holodecks are brought up.

Written by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
(the usual suspects)

Hoshi Sato
What? What's that girl? Timmy fell down a well?

Wasn't it just two episodes back ("Fight or Flight") that Hoshi Sato spent several days on an alien ship trying to decipher their language enough to get a distress signal working and was still having a hard time communicating with an alien ship? Yes. Yes it was just two episodes back.

Yet this time the aliens say five words and Hoshi is able to translate it with ease. Well, I'm sure it made sense to this episode's writers, who happened to be series creators Rick Berman and Brannon Braga.

T'Pol I'll brief you on what you need to know because I know everything.

And what made T'Pol the expert in this alien's technology that she needed to brief Trip on their propulsion systems before he went over to the alien's ship (in Act One)? If the Vulcans had information on who these aliens were, they could have contacted the homeworld about the pregnancy instead of wasting a week looking for the ship again. If the Vulcans didn't know them and T'Pol was naturally the expert, why didn't she go over? If Tucker needed to study up on the tech, why didn't he do this in quarantine, or at least try?

Phlox reading a book That's a good book, Trip. But you don't have to take my word for it.

So Trip has to sit in the alien's quarantine for three hours and he doesn't even bother to take a book to read?

Sure, the thick fog would have prevented him from reading it, but that only would have heightened his frustration over being in it for three hours.

To make matters worse, just prior to heading over Trip jokingly asks Archer if he could suggest a good book.

To make matters more worst still, as Trip complains to Archer over the radio about being in quarantine, Archer sits on his sofa and reads his own book.

Brannon Braga
Welcome to Brannon Braga's world.
(or, "I can smell the color blue.")

Slowed down film, wavey scenes, funky colors and weird stuff all made Trip want to get away from that alien ship in a hurry.

And on second viewing, I wanted to get away from the ship too because it was hard to sit through, and I don't mean because it was intended to be presented that way.

It's now official. Berman and Braga now have NEVER worked on a Trek series that could not have a Holodeck malfunction.

Berman and Braga wanted to escape the same old stories that have been done to death between Picard and Janeway, yet they turn around and introduce us to Holodecks already. And we're just five hours into this new Trek series. Raise your hand if you see a Holodeck malfunction episode coming up within a year.

I see a lot of hands raised.

Hungry Hungry Hippos
Game my Ass! Hungry Hungry Hippos is a Game. This is rape.

Sure, this is how my species mate, but I'll tell you it's a game because you're stupid and won't know the difference anyway. You even sound like you're stupid when you talk.

And the first person to get all the marbles in the hippo's mouth wins!

Trip on the alien ship I spent three days on an alien ship and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.

At least Reed made an effort to ask if Tucker got a look at their weapons. But nobody asked anything about the trip. Archer didn't ask if Tucker could get a picture of the aliens, or at least make an effort to draw one for Starfleet's records. Hoshi didn't ask for a copy of their language. They gave the aliens information on what Tucker eats, but Tucker didn't try to pocket an alien cheese stick or anything to bring back with him. For God's sakes, the aliens had food growing all over the walls and Tucker couldn't grab a couple of grapes as he made his way out the door?

Why is it that B&B have been going out of their way to hype up the "exploring and discovering new lifeforms" angle (going so far as to create an entire prequal series to do so) if all we're doing is watching the crew take these encounters casually? This is the future of the Feder... uh, I mean, Starfleet here we're dealing with. The information that Enterprise gains now will fuel the future of Starfleet and its alien contacts for decades and centuries to come. If it wasn't for the pregnancy or the aliens fixing their viewing monitor at the last minute, otherwise all Archer would have had for this first contact is a name to go on and Tucker's stories that we never saw him write up in a report.

Trip finds a nipple on his wrist.
That's not just an ordinary nipple, Trip. It's Jolene Blalock's.

Okay, if you're going so far as to mold a rubber nipple and glue it to the guy's arm and show it on primetime television, why not just go ahead and have Michael Westmore mold the nipple from Jolene Blalock herself? Then tell the fans that they were going to see a rubber recreation of a nipple molded from Jolene Blalock in this episode and watch the ratings quadriple among teenage boys all across the board!

Nothing says ratings like a good controversy. I mean, it's not like it was real. And there was some controversy over the aliens who appeared on SeaQuest because you could see their butts.

You're trying to use Jolene Blalock as a sex symbol, and you're going to mold a fake nipple, and you want your ratings to go up. So why couldn't Berman and Braga figure this one out? They're showing it anyway. Why not take it from your lead female star and tell the fans where you molded it from? All you needed was a small bag of ice and Linda Park on standby as a back-up choice.

Dr. Phlox
Haven't you learned yet? It's always impossible to abort any baby on Star Trek, especially the dangerous ones who can threaten the ship.

Just like with Counselor Troi in the "The Child", an abortion once again is not an option when a crewmember is impregnated by an alien. Gee, let's thank our lucky stars that Dr. Phlox quickly eliminated an abortion possibility by telling us it's too medically dangerous for Trip.

If B&B really wanted to take chances, they would have made it an option.

Baby Bottle And baby makes Two.

Missing Scene No. 51.

And just how exactly is this baby suppose to come out? Common sense says this is a question that Tucker should have asked. But I suppose this was a question that Tucker (or B&B) didn't feel it was important to ask.

Which would not only raise other questions about Tucker, but raise the question of how stupid B&B really are to have missed this scene?

Captain Archer, this alien pregnancy could be a very volatile situation for Starfleet. If you don't find those aliens in two weeks, we want you to bring Commander Tucker back to Earth immediately!

Well, Duh!

Besides the continous reminders that this is the first inter-species mating and the first human male birth, this scene would have shown that Enterprise would be in contact with Earth's bosses and showing continuity by bringing back our favorite Starfleet Admiral. Or the one in the picture above. Another great scene lost on the minds of B&B.

And I'm also a Bitch.

"... and that's why I am going to screw with you and tell everyone that you're pregnant by an alien woman, even though it's completely against what Vulcans do and I don't care if I agreed with Archer not to tell anyone."

Why did T'Pol tell everyone onboard that Tucker was pregnant? Not one scene confirmed she actually told like Tucker suspected, and Tucker never confronted her about it (she was mysteriously absent at dinner with the Captain). It could have been revenge for what Tucker did to her on their drug-induced adventure in "Strange New World", but we know that's not possible because it was never explained why she told, plus it would be continuity and B&B does not know how to do that. It just didn't make any sense at all. It lacked a conclusion or even Trip confronting her about it even once.

If Doctor McCoy got pregnant, can you imagine Spock running around and telling everyone? No. It's completely against character.


I'm sorry Captain, but for safety reasons we're recalling the Enterprise. It's not suitable for ages 12 and under.

Why the hell would they design a starship that could cut off your fingers every time you go from one level to the next? The purpose of the scene (to have Tucker experiencing safety instincts for a child) could have been portrayed better without clearly demonstrating to the viewers that Enterprise is a rickety death trap. Couldn't Tucker have complained about some wall plug-ins or something?

And while we're on it, Tucker points out that you could lose your hand if you put your hand on the handrail. The expendable near him asks why anyone would want to put their hand there. Gee, why would anybody want to put their hand on the handrail? Another brilliant sroke of genius writing by B&B.

Plus we never saw Tucker fix the thing anyway. It could have made a nice addition to the closing scenes.

Trip on the bridge
Thanks for raising your shirt. We're Klingons and we've never encountered your race before, so obviously we can tell you're pregnant just by looking.

We'll also ignore the fact that the Klingons have probably never seen any pregnant male before of any species.

And let's go ahead and ignore the fact that Tucker was carrying the baby on the side of the rib cage, instead of the tummy. It forces us to ask where the Klingons hold their babies if they could recognize Tucker with one.

It made more sense for the Klingons to question "You don't want us to blow up the aliens because you're fat?"

Get out of Jail Free Card
Get out of jail free card.

You mean Archer just found out he could have thrown his weight around with the Klingons and forced them to do a favor out of honor because he saved their people, and he didn't throw a fit when he lost it? Now when the next time comes when he's confronted with Klingons, he's not worried?

And while we're on it, is the Klingon ship going to contact the homeworld and tell everyone not to help Archer because he already got his favor? So when the Klingon said next time Archer won't be considered a friend, how can we take that serious?

Oh yeah, we trust the Klingons 100 percent.

Even after they believed there was a pregnant female on the ship, the Klingons still didn't have a problem with the idea of killing them all. B&B said that these Klingons may be a little less honorable than in Picard's time, so they may try to use this as an excuse as to why they seemed really out of character with this. But then they turn around and use the honor stuff as an excuse to obey Archer's request to not blow them up.

And did it make sense to anyone that after threatening to kill pregnant civilian females, Archer trusted the Klingons to keep their word to let the alien ship go free after they get their new Holodeck installed? The whole threat of slaughtering the crew without a thought SHOULD have gotten Archer a least bit concerned, but instead Archer falls for it and takes off in his ship.

Am I the only one who thought it could have worked if Archer told the Klingons that Tucker was pregnant, and the Klingons were so baffled by humans and just thought they were too weird to mess with and left the ship behind and just took off?

Oh well. I'm sure it made sense to this episode's writers, who happened to be series creators Rick Berman and Brannon Braga.

We'll ignore the writing possibilities of the Klingons offering the pregnant female to Tucker to take away. After all, Klingons killing your woman and unborn child not only is not honorable, it could be considered an act of war. If the Klingons believed her to be pregnant . . .

Look, the whole Klingon encounter scene was just written stupid, okay?

T'Pol and Archer But those are five seconds we could have spent on "dumb writing".

Missing Scene No. 89:

When the Klingons board the aliens' ship, they see the food growing on the wall, sniffs it, and picks one off and eats it. It would have been great and would have only took five seconds of the episode.

Trip Tucker While we're stuck here together in quarantine for three hours, you wouldn't mind telling me what you know about the Suliban, would you?

Missing Scene No. 84:

Tucker locked in quarantine with two Klingons for three hours. And B&B didn't see this as something worth showing? They are SO stupid.

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