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95- In a Mirror Darkly Pt 2
96- Demons
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98- Trip Dies in Riker's Holodeck!

Enterprise Characters
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Detachable Saucer
Classify this under "What If?"

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Voyager "Endgame" Review
Their last episode. Our first review.









Enterprise review: "Regeneration".
(Episode 49)

Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.

THE PREMISE: I don't care any more.

"Regeneration"
Written by Mike Sussman & Phyllis Strong











Borg

They are Borg. They don't stop.

They assimilate your technology and use it against you - and they don't even need to because they're already more advanced than you.

They have cloaking technology but they don't need it. When they come for you, you will see them coming.

Borg

One Borg learns something, they all learn it. When they take you, they ALL know your secrets.

Each drone has their own shielding. You get ONE SHOT to take out a drone before the others ALREADY adapt before the fallen drone hits the floor. Each drone can be equipped with weaponry. But they don't need to. They can take you without engaging you in infantry combat.

They can lose 150% of their drone population in a planetary assimilation and actually end up with MORE drones than they started out with by using YOUR people to run their ships. They don't stop.

Borg

They are relentless. When one goes after you, they ALL go after you. And they just want YOU. And when the Borg Cube comes to get you, ALL the Borg on the Cube wants to get YOU. Then they will take YOU. And use YOU to take someone else. They don't care about turning you against your own people. Because they assimilate children. And they don't stop.

Borg

They broke the powerful Federation fleet in just one battle. It took two years to rebuild it. They broke Earth's defenses and entered orbit of the planet. Twice. They attacked both Earth and Romulan outposts along the Neutral Zone border, because they CAN fight wars on two fronts at once. They forced enemies to become allies. Then they killed them. Star system Wolf 359 is now unnavigatable because of the Federation debris.

Borg

They don't care about politics, religion or ideals. They just want you. They don't even have diplomats. They don't open a dialogue. They just want you. They are an enemy to 100 percent of the universe. They don't need allies. They just want you. They don't ask. They assimilate. They don't enquire. They assimilate. They don't learn. They assimilate. They just want you. And they don't stop.

Borg

Their technology is as advanced as the most advanced enemy they ever fought. They can lose 80 percent of their vessel and still maintain 100 percent of ship operations. When they find you, they tell you not to resist. They are so powerful, they expect you not to resist. They don't UNDERSTAND it when you resist. Then they kill you.

And they don't stop.

Ever.






Borg












Gold Star Bonus? NO!

Was this episode fun to watch? Yes.

Was it exciting and suspenseful? Yes.

Was it good enough that I rewatched it after it was over? Yes.

So is it changing my mind about this show? Absolutely not.

Everything in this episode that was good had nothing to do with the plot holes or rewriting history. Everything that was bad in this episode was full of plot holes and tried to rewrite already established history. It raised contradicting questions that were thrown away by the writers and will never be answered. And because the Writers and Producers are still stupid and obsessed with throwing everything we know and love out the window, it's yet futher proof that this show is going nowhere, even after two years on the air. All they had to do was follow established continuity and quit trying to discover or invent everything in the future. They don't need to be the cause or the trigger for the invention of shields or Holodecks or the Borg learning about Earth. Q, the Hansens and the Borg incursion along the Romulan Neutral Zone already took care of that on its own. Trying to now claim it was Archer is just stupid and only causes more problems.

Could this episode have been better? No. It could have been the best. But it wasn't and will never be. Why? Because they had to be cute and rewrite established history yet again. Just like throwing away the threat of the Regulan bloodworms by trying to add them into Phlox's antics. Just like they added the plot holes of why we haven't heard of Ferengi or Tribbles or Romulans when Archer and gang were playing with them. Just like they rewrote established history and are now trying to claim female Vulcans experience the Pon Farr too or that Spock was born a mutant freak.

The oldest, weakest, smallest, least armed flagship vessel in Starfleet history, and they defeated the strongest most advanced enemy the Federation will ever have. In under an hour.

This is why this episode sucks. And this is why Enterprise sucks. And this is why the Producers and Writers suck. How can you ever expect us to be in suspense, believe in the conflict, follow the drama, take the characters seriously, or even care?

The co-writer of this episode, Mike Sussman, actually came out publicly and stated that this episode not only does not contradict history, but actually supports it. He even tried to claim he's a "continuity hound" and that continuity errors in programs turn him off. Mike Sussman, you're a fucking idiot. And like Rick Berman and Brannon Braga, you also need to be fired.

The Bottom Line: What was good didn't contradict history, but it was devalued by all the endless useless pointless crap that did. And if you stupid bastards who are driving the Star Trek "franchise" into the ground had any talent, that stupid crap shouldn't have been there to begin with. You obviously can't work within the confines of the Trek universe, so you shouldn't be writing Trek.

This isn't Star Trek. This is bad fan fiction that just happened to have been produced for television, no matter what the production values are.


Archer I'm so emotionally distraught, I had to destroy the Tarkalien Freighter off screen.

Or did I? You'll never know because you didn't see it.

As an actor, portraying Archer in a situation where he's forced to fire upon and destroy the freighter because he had no choice was a powerful scene to act. But you'll never know because it occurred off screen.

And if you thought we had a hell of a time taking out that assimilated Starfleet ship, wait until you hear about how we had to fight off a Freighter full of assimilated Tarkaliens. After all, just two of them tried to take over our ship, so imagine what the other Tarkaliens onboard tried to do. They modified their Freighter with more advanced weapons, shields and engines, too. Too bad you'll never see that because that too occurred off screen. It's a real shame you only saw fifty percent of our adventure.

Or did you think those assimilated Tarkalien crewmen on the Freighter just sat there and did nothing the whole time and just waited around until we returned and blew them up?


Admiral Forrest This Borg debris have been sitting up here in the Arctic for the last 100 years. It's hard to believe it's only just now beginning to snow.

Anybody who's ever watched a PBS or Discovery Channel program about locating plane wrecks (like downed WWII fighters) in the north knows that over time, the wreckage goes DOWN into the snow as layers upon layers of snow build up on top of it. Furthermore, the wreckage also slowly moves and shifts locations over years and decades, just like glaciers move. You didn't even need to watch these programs. Common sense should have told you that snow would have been MORE than three inches deep over this stuff.

Maybe it's believeable to have such a massive amount of wreckage still pretty much contained in the same area (but with some debris standing 50 feet high, never discovered for a century?), but to have dead Borg drones just lying around under three inches of fluffy snow and 3 inches of sheet ice is just plain stupid.

To have one of the researchers literally discover a Borg drone by tripping over his foot is slapstick. Where was the laughtrack that should have accompanied it?


Tucker Hey, look! These Borg are more advanced than the ones in the future!

In "First Contact" Picard established that without the living parts, the Borg die. They're not robots, they're cyborgs. This is how Picard killed them at the end of the film, by destroying their flesh. This is also why when Voyager brought onboard a dead Borg drone that was in the vacuum of space, the mechanics of it reactivated, but all it could do was sit up in the bed.

But now suddenly the Borg nano-probes have the ability to regenerate the dead living flesh and make them alive again, so that these new lively Borg are walking around, talking, smiling, making chitchat, dancing the moonwalk, etc, etc.

Having the dead zombied-Borg raise an arm set on "automatic" and inject some tublars into the nearest thing is one thing. Having these guys suddenly kick back alive and sneaking around like Jason in a hockey mask is rewriting their established capabilities to falsely generate a threat.

Here's a clue to the writers: Even dead Borg are scary. If you have to exaggerate common sense and claim they can regenerate themselves even after death (as opposed to self-destructing like in the past) in order to create the illusion of suspense, you suck as a writer.


Picard You mean you've had photographs, scans, and even samples of their technology for years after I made first contact with the Borg, and you never bothered to say anything? They assimilated me YOU BASTARDS!!??!?!?!!

You can lay this side by side with Archer not bothering to ask the Ferengi for their name after they hijacked the ship. This time, they have tech, records, photos, scans, DNA samples, dead nano-bots, etc, and it only creates a bigger plot hole. There's an entire massive debris field site in the North Pole. How do you cover up something like that.

They either nuked it (which would surely get the attention of the Vulcans), left it (which means it's still there), or they cleaned it all up, which means they further learned stuff from it.

And remember kids, there was NO cover up that took place. So how do you explain this plot hole?


Romulans God Damn writer Mike Sussman is stupid. I can't believe they let him write a script.

So, the Borg transmitted the co-ordinates to Earth, which explains why they approached Earth many years later. One problem...

The Borg didn't approach Earth. Their first contact with the Federation was along the Earth/Romulan Neutral Zone.

If you want to invade Earth space, why go out of your way to go to the ONLY protected border around Earth space, when you can just go around? Vulcan space wasn't protected. Neither was Klingon space. Of course, the Borg didn't know any of these people, nor did they know the Romulans would be there with a border, too. But what are the odds that the Borg ended up coming in at the ONLY protected Earth border?

And even then, they DIDN'T try to get to Earth. They destroyed the Outposts along the Neutral Zone and... left. It wasn't until Q tossed the Enterprise into the path of a Borg vessel did they have their first engagement with a Federation starship.


Picard And once again my adventures are deamed meaningless. Sussman you wanker.

The Borg's first contact with the Federation was because Q threw them a gazillion light years away from Earth space and into deep space because he selfishly wanted to be on the Enterprise crew and Picard told him no. THIS was the Borg's first contact with Federation STARSHIP technology, tech that the Neutral Zone MONITORING POSTS didn't have. They didn't have warp drive, and if TOS's "Balance of Terror" was any indication, they also didn't have any serious weapons or shields. And it was what the Borg learned from their encounter with Picard's ship that they had their greatest encounter with powerful Federation technology, and THIS was why they came to Earth. In fact, they came to Earth specifically with the goal of taking Picard, the Captain of THIS ship they encountered, to ease the assimilation of the fleet who had THIS technology. This had NOTHING to do with Archer or Phlox or crap like that. Trying to claim that the Borg did what they did because of ARCHER only clutters up the facts with plot holes.

As on screen proof of this, it was blatantly right there in the closing scenes after Picard's first encounter with them. This is how it played out:

GUINAN: And since the Borg are now aware of your existance.

PICARD: (realizing) They'll be coming.

GUINAN: Count on it.


And you'll never guess who Guinan was escaping from.

Speaking of Guinan...

Mike Sussman now claims it was this Borg signal that brought the Borg to Earth space in Picard's time, blatantly ignoring that the Borg had ALREADY been here at least 85 years prior, just on the doorstep of Federation space, when they attacked and assimilated Guinan's people.

Remember in the opening of Star Trek: Generations when Guinan's people (including Dr. Soran) were fleeing refugees accidently caught in the Nexus? Who do you think they were escaping from?

The Borg.

Duh!

And Mike Sussman claims he's a "continuity hound". Mike Sussman, you're an idiot. YOU just CREATED plot holes. Between the Hansens, the Neutral Zone outposts, Q tossing the Enterprise into the path of a Borg Cube, and Guinan's people, do you really need a signal to let the Borg know we're here? The Borg were already here almost 100 years before they even got YOUR signal. You're not only a liar, and stupid, but you're also redundant.

Just like Berman and Braga.

Guinan

Captain Harriman

Demora Sulu

Kirk and Chekov


Picard and Dr. Soran Hell is the fire in which this script should Burn.

A reminder. An exact quote by Doctor Soran from "Star Trek: Generations":

"You know, there was a time when I wouldn't hurt a fly. Then the Borg came."

85 years ago prior to their Neutral Zone stomp. Near Federation space. In Kirk's lifetime. Just prior to the launch of Enterprise-B. About 80 years before that stupid message was even received by the Borg.


Jeri Ryan as Seven I've been naughty. Assimilate me.

The Hansens. It was THEIR ship the Raven that was the first Earth starship the Borg contacted. And even being more powerful than Archer's crap ships, the Borg examined the Raven decades prior to their arrival in Earth space, and they ALREADY HAD the ability to jump straight to Federation space by then. But yet they didn't. In fact, they didn't care. They abandoned the Raven and let it crash on some cliff.

They didn't care. In fact, of all the races everywhere, why should Earth several centuries ago be of value to the Borg? There's aliens everywhere. There's races within the Delta Quadrant the Borg haven't even gotten to yet, like the Vaudwaur, the Ocampons, and the Vidiians. This episode gave NO REASON for the Borg to specifically go out of their way to head towards Earth. The Borg message home didn't say anything about Earth's future power base, only where they were. If the map was all it took, they wouldn't have waited so long until AFTER other encounters with Earth and Federation ships and outposts.


Crusher Now why the hell didn't Starfleet tell me the Borg had nano-probes? What do I have to do, leave for a year and head up Starfleet Medical myself?

The Borg didn't get nano-probes until much later, around "First Contact" or their appearances on Voyager. If they had it during their first encounters with Picard, it wasn't established yet. This is why Beverly Crusher suggested using nanobots as a weapon AGAINST the Borg, because they didn't yet know the Borg ALREADY used them.

But yet here, every piece of information about the Borg that Starfleet and the Enterprise learns is almost all based on their nano-probes. And again, there was no cover up of this information. And they KNEW that the Borg might be coming around Picard's time. If anything, they should have been EXPECTING the Borg to come. Like the Omega Directive, all Federation starship Captains should have been told about the Borg. But even after they lost Picard to the Borg, they should have STILL come across this information.

So why are these writers obsessed with making Starfleet and the Federation look stupid?


Reed Oh my Gosh! Oh my Gosh! Did I just invent Phasers? I increased their power. Do they have more than two settings now?

Even in TNG's time, they had one shot, maybe two before the Borg adapted to the weaponry. But here? Oh, hey, suddenly Reed is so cool he can fire his antiquated Phase Pistol five times before they adapt.

And just in time to beam out, too.


Reed and Archer I haven't heard yet an answer to my request for Phase-Tripod Canons.

Worf used his knife to take out a Borg. Picard used a Dixon Hill Tommy Gun to take out a couple. Reed didn't have anything better than standard Phase Rifles? Come on, Reed, be creative. Replicate and arm the crew with giant He-Man Battle Axes. Anything!


The Stormtroopers on Hoth had tripod canons, why can't I have tripod canons? Me and Tucker can make one within a week.


T'Pol Well obviously he was doing it wrong.

Remember a long time ago in the future when Picard's Enterprise first made contact with the Borg, and they couldn't detect ANY life signs? Well guess what? This time T'Pol in her rickety old tugboat prequal crapfest starship Snoozerprise suddenly has technology SOOOOO advanced, she can now detect that there are nine humans onboard the assimilated freighter.

And remember, Picard's Enterprise couldn't detect life on the Borg Cube not because of any special shielding that this assimilated prequal ship may not have had, but as we learned when Riker beamed over with an Away Team, it was because of the way the Borg were, not what they were traveling in. And because the Borg in THIS episode (being from the NexTrek movies) are more advanced than the Borg in Picard's second season adventure, they should actually be HARDER to detect, not easier.


Borg We are the Ferengi. Surrender your vessel and prepare to be boarded.

Us fans know it by heart: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda." Only this time when the Borg contacted Archer's Enterprise over the radio, by coincidence they just happened to have left something out: their name.

Now of course if the Borg revealed who they were it would have only added to the stupidness of why no one would have known about them later. But because B&B and gang can't do a prequal without recycling the sequals, we end up with the Borg-equivelant of Archer forgetting to ask the Ferengi their name after they hijacked their ship. As we all know by now, if it's not a violation of canon and continuity, it's usually a violation of common sense that strikes this show down.


Mayweather They're traveling at Warp 4.9? Too bad we don't have a Suliban Cell ship with faster warp drive and more advanced weaponry to take them out. Oh, wait...

Self explanatory.


Tucker How am I suppose to know how to get this Borg crap to work? Every light is green! Whether it's turned on OR off!

You see, if it was really a dire situation, Tucker wouldn't have been able to shut down and remove the Borg tech within the time allowed. If he was EVER going to fail as an Engineer, it would have been NOW, with the technology being the most alien and advanced he's ever encountered.

If he were to ever fail in the future, it will be a forced failure caused by the writers to falsely create a jeopardy, because it would have been nowhere as severe as this was. So I hope you enjoy the Andromeda-esq adventures of Super Tucker, because he'll never fail and he'll always solve the problem at the last minute. So you don't need to watch this show any more.


Phlox I'm sorry Captain, but your dog has been assimilated. Time to put him down. I'll let Chef know.

In "First Contact", the Borg nanoprobes would assimilate someone within a minute. But suddenly here, Phlox gets injected and he can hold out long enough to catch an entire season of "24".

Not only that, he managed to find a way to destroy ALL the nano-probes that even the highly technologically advanced Federation flagship couldn't figure out, even though its Captain was once assimilated himself, AND their Doctor once headed up Starfleet Medical for a year.

In fact, Voyager couldn't find a way to stop them either, even though their Captain was played by legendary Katherine Hepburn and they had THE ex-Borg drone herself, Seven of Nine.

Whatever.


And let's not forget that Seven is a virgin.
Jeri Ryan as Seven


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