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93- Bound
94- In a Mirror Darkly Pt 1
95- In a Mirror Darkly Pt 2
96- Demons
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98- Trip Dies in Riker's Holodeck!

Enterprise Characters
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Detachable Saucer
Classify this under "What If?"

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Voyager "Endgame" Review
Their last episode. Our first review.









Enterprise review: "The Breach".
(Episode 47)

Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.
Enterprise

THE PREMISE: The title says there's a breach but I didn't see it.

"The Breach"
Teleplay by Chris Black & John Shiban
Story by Daniel McCarthy


Tucker Even our Ratings are breached!

And yet once again we're stuck with a stupid misleading false lying episode title. Just like the episode "Canamar" where they never even went to Canamar. Or "Fallen Hero" where there was no fallen hero. Or "Dead Stop" where the Enterprise was at a dead stop - for one solid minute.

Well guess what. "The Breach"? There was no breach. It occurred off screen. We never even saw it. And it was over after the Teaser anyway.


Phlox Yeah, I brought onboard illegally seized tribbles. I also have a crack lab in the back room. Want to make something of it?

And once again the history of Star Trek as we know it is thrown away by yet another dumb-ass writer who destroys it by once again using it as a joke in a throwaway line. First the Regulan Bloodworms, and now the tribbles.

No one knows what a Tribble is by Kirk's time. The Captain of the flagship (Kirk) didn't know. One of the few (if not the first) Vulcan in Starfleet and the son of an Ambassador (Spock) didn't know. The Chief Medical Officer (McCoy) on the flagship didn't know. And even the head of the deep-space station K-7 (William Schallert) didn't know, and they were within Klingon space, and even THEY didn't know about them Tribbles yet. It was later established on "Deep Space 9" that AFTER this K-7 incident, it was THEN that the Klingons went on their great Tribble Hunt and slaughtered the creatures wherevere they lived.

But yet here Starfleet personnel AND the Vulcan-appointed head Medical Doctor on Starfleet's flagship know what they are. He also knows that they breed. AND he establishes that other people ALSO know what they are, as they are outlawed on other planets. And this continuity damage was inflicted for yet another throw-away joke so Phlox can feed his Tribble to yet another dumb bat in a cage.

If you can't fill in the missing history of a prequal without rewriting already established history, you suck as a writer and need to be fired. You keep doing this stupid sh*t over and over and your Ratings keep dropping and you don't understand why. God Damn it, get a clue!!!!! These "jokes" at the expense of all we love of Star Trek aren't "cute" and "funny" like you think it is. They piss off more people than they please.


Mayweather Then when we poopy, we put it in bags and carry it around in our backpacks!

Here we go again with another round of feces humor. Here we learn that if Reed, Tucker and Mayweather poop in the caves, they have to carry the poop in a bag back out of the caves when they leave.

Remember kids, the bottom line starts and stops with Rick Berman and Brannon Braga. They PUT that there, or allowed it to STAY there. THIS is there way of thinking. THIS is what they think "quality" writing is. Poop and pee jokes.

Why can't they just phaser the poop?

Why can't they take a portable desintigrator?

Are they planning to recycle that poop into some more boots like Tucker had revealed in a previous episode that they do?

They already established that the caves go on for AT LEAST 50 kilometers. You think their poop will ever even be found?

They're leaving anyway. The purpose of the mission is to get the Denobulan scientists and never come back. Who cares if they poop in the caves?! Poop in their caves all you want! Hell, beam down all the poop from Enterprise, they'll never know.


Phlox My race hasn't seen one of them for 300 years, and they haven't seen one of us for 300 years. So of course we recognized eachother immediately.

To further dumb this plot hole down, Phlox later talks about how they turned the aliens into a "faceless enemy". How exactly does "faceless enemy" and "immediate recognition" co-exist with eachother?


Braga and Berman How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb on Enterprise? Four main characters who have no good reason to be there, and 70 nameless background characters who are actually skilled in the field but are never used and don't speak.

And how many Producers did it take to screw in this dim-witted light bulb of a story?

Fourteen.

1 - Consulting Producer David A. Goodman
2 - Co-Producer Brad Yacobian
3 - Producer Dawn Velazquez
4 - Producer J.P. Farrell
5 - Supervising Producer Merri D. Howard
6 - Supervising Producer Peter Lauritson
7 - Co-Executive Producer John Shiban
8 - Co-Executive Producer Chris Black
9 - Co-Producer Stephen Welke
10 - Co-Producer Mike Sussman
11 - Co-Producer Phyllis Strong
12 - Associate Producer David Rossi
13 - Executive Producer Rick Berman
14 - Executive Producer Brannon Braga

And that's not counting Visual Effects Producer Dan Curry, or the Assistants to the Producers who were also credited.

Yeap. It took over a DOZEN people to make this episode suck. Maybe I'm wrong, but television shows usually don't have over a dozen Producers. Four, five, six or seven, okay. But fourteen? With sets, aliens, special effects and writing no where near as good as "Space: Above & Beyond", "Earth 2" or "Firefly", and non-existant location shooting, they still need to double or even triple the number of Producers? This isn't adding up, as the Production Accountant who was also listed in the credits might have missed.

We all know the term "written by committee". Well, it seems that's how it's being produced as well, which MAY have something to do with the show sucking. Voyager had a similar problem, when one Producer took the show one way (Piller), then another Producer would take it another way (Jeri Taylor), then a third Producer would take it yet another way (Braga). The result is a jumbled mess, with NO rock-solid stories, direction, themes or story-arcs, and you get aliens-of-the-weeks every single week which sway whichever way the wind blows that week.

Here's a clue: It doesn't matter how many Producer you have, or even if they're good. The final say falls onto Rick Berman and Brannon Braga, and they are the dimmer switch for the Star Trek franchise. You need a few people, and the right people. Paramount has tons of people, and most of them seem to be wrong. And even then, any few "right" ones are concealed by B&B's rewrites. The first thing you need to do is fire B&B. Only then can we BEGIN to figure out who among the remaining even know what Star Trek is. If Braga prided himself on not actually having watched the original series, who knows where the others stand. At least "Babylon 5" series creator J. Michael Straczynski KNEW what "Blake's 7" and "The Prisoner" are and has acknowledged them on his show. B&B don't even acknowledge established Star Trek history itself on a Star Trek show.


Phlox ... and that's why nobody by Picard's time would have ever heard of us. Oh I'm sorry, did you miss that first part. Well that's okay. Continuity isn't important and you're all twelve anyway.

Remember kids, the "Exotic" Doctor Phlox was promoted by B&B and Paramount as being from a "reclusive" race, which was suppose to explain why we never hear of them in later series. But yet episode by episode this gets less and less believable.

In "Dear Doctor", we learn human Doctors are on Phlox's planet as part of an exchange program.

In "Stigma", we learn Denobulan scientists are out running around the galaxy, like Phlox's wife.

In "Cease Fire", we learn Phlox served in the Denobulan infantry and saw the carnage of battle first hand, which means their planet was AT WAR with at least one other race who knew of them.

Then this episode revealed they were at war with these aliens 300 years ago.

But because Phlox is NOT 300 years old but WAS in the infantry and SAW battle, this means there are now at least TWO alien races who were so closely involved with the Denobulans, the first 300 years ago and lost a war, and the other within Phlox's lifetime and involved infantry combat that required Phlox as a Medic on the field.

Furthermore, this episode revealed that young reclusive Phlox wanted to go with his reclusive Denobulan friends to visit a zoo planet, and that later he took his children there as well.

You know, it IS possible to learn about Phlox and his reclusive people without constantly putting them further out into space among other races.


Reed Well of course this episode was an ''Event''. I was in it.

And we get yet another average episode being promoted and touted by UPN in the advertisements as an "Enterprise Event".

Archer gets mysteriously captured by Klingons off screen and it's an event. Travis learns his dad died off screen and it's an event. Now we get a breach that occurs off screen that we never see and it's another ''event''. These people suck.


Strange Luck's DB Sweeney People say I'm lucky...

What are the odds that the ONE planet that had reclusive hard-to-find visiting Denobulans scientists ALSO had the ONE reclusive hard-to-find race that the Denobulans had the biggest hatred for.

And yet neither knew the other was there and their stories were unconnected to eachother in any way.

What are the odds? If this was an episode of "Strange Luck", then yeah, it would work. But where's the realism here? You don't need to be Professor Stephen Hawking to realize that the math sucks. The odds. The percentages. The probabilities. Or whatever you want to call it. It doesn't make sense. But yet the writers either are stupid and honestly didn't catch the extraordinary odds of it occurring, or they did catch it and proceeded with it anyway by taking into account Braga's insistance that we're all twelve years old and we're dumb anyway.

This is yet one more reason why this show sucks. Either the writers are stupid, or they insist WE are. Either way, it's not good for us. They of course continue to get a paycheck.

The only 17 episodes of "Strange Luck" produced had better writing, higher production values (go watch the pilot), better continuity, more entertainment and had (surprise!) higher ratings than seasons one and two of Enterprise combined.


The "D.B." in my name stands for "Darn Beautiful" by the way.


Mayweather If it wasn't for me constantly getting injured, I wouldn't have any screen time at all. Oh, my ankle! See?

Thank goodness Token Mayweather is prone to accidents or sickness, or we'd never see him, because the writers won't use him otherwise.

Remember in "2 Days and 2 Nights" when Mayweather hurt his shoulder?

Remember in "Dead Stop" when Mayweather got injured?

Remember in "Singularity" when Mayweather got injured?

Or how about that other episode where Mayweather caught a cold?

I pointed out in my review of "Singularity" that they keep having Mayweather getting injured and ending up in the hospital in an attempt to create character development, because they can't seem to give him anything else to do. Well this episode they did it again and Mayweather breaks his leg.

Here's an idea. Have the white guy break his leg, and put the token black kid in the situation to force the aliens to abandon the cave. After all, which is more of a challenge? The COMMANDER convinces the aliens to leave? The SECURITY CHIEF convinces the aliens to leave? Or the inexperienced ENSIGN convinces the aliens to leave?

You expect the first two to pull it off. But the Ensign? That's where the drama and conflict lies. These writers are lazy. And worse, they have the number one most experienced cliff climber end up being the one to break his leg, making him look stupid as well.

They only teach this in the clown college, kids.


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