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Voyager "Endgame" Review
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Enterprise review: "The Crossing".
(Episode 44)

Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.
Enterprise

THE PREMISE: Cigarette smoke takes over the crew's minds. Hoshi pretends to break a leg but she didn't really.

"The Crossing"
Teleplay by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
Story by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga and Andre Bormanis
(the usual suspects)


Phlox and Archer Lt. Reed has been flirting with the female crew? He's clearly had his mind taken over by aliens.

Come on, let Reed have some nookie. It would have been great.


Phlox and Archer Lt. Reed said T'Pol was the most beautiful woman on the ship? He clearly had his mind taken over by aliens.

Besides the fact that the Paramount Executives repeatedly force on us viewers the LIE that T'Pol is beautiful, they then make the characters look stupid by believing the same thing.

So once again I'll repeat the words that one TrekBBS'er used to describe her: "She looks like someone punched her in the mouth and starved her for a week."

Even that babe that Reed hit on in the turbolift was better looking than T'Pol. Her name was Valerie by the way.


Reed Even though my alien host knows what I know, he still couldn't manage to break out of my own room. My alien host sucked! I bet I could have broken out of my own room. Go on, lock me in my room and time me.

The most tactically trained of all the crew, and he couldn't escape his own bedroom.


Hoshi Sato Oh, my ankle! What am I? A "Doctor Who" companion?

Hoshi was the one that gave them the most trouble to accomplish their goals of taking over the crew, but it would have worked greater if they made quite clear she was the leader.


Hoshi Sato You want me to talk dirty to you? In what language?

What really pisses me off is they had a clear and blatant opportunity to take Hoshi and Archer's relationship to a whole new level: Sex and violence. We only got a brief glimpse of Archer grabbing Hoshi by the shoulders and... well that was it.

Where was the wrestling on the floor? Where was alien Hoshi forcing her sexual desires on the Captain. Where was Archer taken over and the two of them do it - AND retain their memories of the ordeal. Where was Hoshi kicking Archer in the balls and raping him while down? But what do we get?

"Oh, my ankle!"

Whatever.


T'Pol wearing funky clothes No I haven't been taken over by aliens. Why do you ask?

You can't take over a mind if there isn't one to take over.

And if T'Pol has a mindmeld syndrome, and the aliens take over her mind, do they get it too?


T'Pol and a Director Okay, in this scene, T'Pol gets taken over by aliens off screen, while we do a dramatic close-up of her great-grandma's Carbon Creek handbag. After all, we already spent our budget on Braga's new office hot-tub.

So early on, blue smoke would enter the victim and orange smoke would leave. But later, the blue smoke would enter and we wouldn't see the orange smoke at all. Then when Reed was taken over, they didn't even bother to show either of them on screen. He was taken over while they were filming his shoes.


Daniels By the way, Captain, you better hypnotise your crew to forget all they know about the Temporal Cold War in case their minds get taken over by aliens.

Reed, Tucker and a bunch of others have full knowledge of Daniels, the Temporal Cold War and Daniels' room full of goodies, yet none of the aliens (who retained the crew's knowledge) thought this was important to mention. This alone would have driven the story harder.

But this is continuity, and B&B insist us viewers are too damn stupid to know anything.


Admiral Forrest What? Again?! How the hell do you keep getting into these messes, Archer? I can't believe we gave you a starship.

If you're stranded in space and aliens are about to take over your entire crew and ship, don't you think it's important to report it to Starfleet Command? You know, just in case you weren't successful? Kirk would always record a log and eject it into space. Why doesn't Archer?


None of our Warp Two Freighters ever had these problems with all these aliens. What the hell are you doing to get their attention? You're dangerous. Put T'Pol on the phone. I'm giving her command.


T'Pol I've taken over the mind of a Vulcan. Don't get logical with me.

Okay, here we go...

1 - How did the cigarette smoke aliens manage to build a physical starship? What are the odds that they STOLE a starship that just happened to have a bay big enough to eat starships.

2 - How did the smoke aliens not understand physical touch if they have a SOLID ship?

3 - If the ship was damaged, why didn't they just take over the Enterprise crew to REPAIR it. The Enterprise was clearly less advanced than the ship they already had.

4 - How can these aliens live in subspace if they have a starship that travels at Warp 6?

5 - How did the alien in Engineering not understand the "complicated" Enterprise Warp 5 engine, if their own ship has the capability of reaching Warp 6 and hauling a mass multiple times than that of the little NX-01? Yeah, it's a different technology system, but it's a LESSER system.

6 - They already hauled out the force fields when Reed magically invented them in a previous episode. Why didn't they try those here?

7 - Archer and Phlox said the aliens will die in space so they blew up their starship. But the aliens traveled THROUGH the vacuum of space to get in and out of Enterprise. So, are they going to die or what?

8 - Tucker said he was re-living events from his life and things he remembered. But Hop-along Cassidy was a fictional character in a movie. How the hell did he live through that? Contrary to what B&B believe in their looney tunes fantasy, out of body experiences don't allow you to appear in movies. Besides getting the real science wrong, they can't get the paranormal right either.

9 - If the aliens can't get into the Catwalk because of the shielding, how did Tucker get into the catwalk while taken over by an alien? Hoshi was clearly pissed that they were hiding up there, yet Tucker was freely running back and forth.


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