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95- In a Mirror Darkly Pt 2
96- Demons
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Voyager "Endgame" Review
Their last episode. Our first review.









Enterprise review: "The Communicator".
(Episode 33)

Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.
Enterprise

THE PREMISE: Reed leaves his Communicator on a pre-warp planet. When caught trying to retrieve it, Archer decides its best not to interferre with the planet's culture so he tells everyone he's a super soldier planning to kill them all. Janeway smiles.

"The Communicator"
Teleplay by Andre Bormanis
Story by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
(the usual suspects)


Hoshi Sato Uh, Captain. I left my communicator down there, too. Sorry.

Enterprise had already been to several pre-warp planets, almost always with conflicting rules and techniques on how they act around them (or Archer becomes a physic and magically predicts future Prime Directives). Here we have yet another one in which they try to give the impression this is a pre-planned mission with rules of conduct. But the fact is, they're still doing everything half-assed. They need to already have rules (which makes sense for Starfleet to have created prior to Enterprise's launch) or have no rules and mess up which causes rules to be created because of this. Neither happened here. In fact, nothing happened at all. Even in real life the government created rules for alien contact and even made it illegal to kill bigfoot, should he ever decide to come out of the woods.

Instead, we get yet another go where their "mission" just sort of coasts on whatever direction the writers decide they want the wind to blow to fit their current story and create a false jeopardy to stall for time as filler until the next episode happens. That is after all what every episode of Enterprise seems like: filler until the next episode, which is filler until the one after that.


Reed Captain, I also left my Mego doll collection down there.

Reed says he has never been to a pre-warp civilization before. He had plenty of chances as the Enterprise has been to nearly a half-dozen pre-warp planets already, including the Terra Nova colony where Reed was shot in the butt. But for whatever reason (or rather for lack of solid rules and common sense), the writers just chose to not have the Tactical Officer go to any pre-warp planets where the crew would have been in danger the most.


T'Pol Captain. I must inform you that I left my ability to act down on the planet.

Interestingly, this comes just as news comes in that the T'Pol heavy episode "The Seventh" got a record low audience number.


Dr. Phlox Captain, I also left my bat down there. Go back and get it.

Just exactly what does Phlox have to do with applying a bumpy forehead? They called it surgery. But it was a sheet of rubber that peeled off so easily!


Reed I don't know if it means anything, but I left my potato salad down there.

The Doctor wanted the organs from one of the bodies to evaluate them. So why did the aliens want to kill both Reed AND Archer? You only need to kill just one to get the organs. And this guy's a military General?


Tucker You left your 1986 Donruss Pete Rose trading card down there? So did I!

1 - Tucker gets his arm cloaked.

2 - Mayweather suggests Tucker's cloaked arm could be of use.

3 - During the rescue, a solid arm appears out of the cloaked Cell ship and starts firing.

Why the hell didn't Tucker use his cloaked arm to fire out of the cloaked ship? That made so much sense! That's probably why the writers missed it. Because it made sense.


Tucker Uh, oh. I left my Spider-Man DVD down there. I really need it, too.

Wouldn't it have been cool if instead of Tucker getting his arm cloaked, he got his head cloaked? Let's set this up:

Tucker and Mayweather try to get the Cell ship to work (which did happen). Tucker sticks his head in to try to activate a circuit (which did happen). A cloak shockwave flies out and knocks Tucker on his butt (which did happen). Mayweather runs over to Tucker on the ground (which did happen). And there lays Tucker's headless body on the ground.

Mayweather panics. He calls for help. Phlox and others arrive. Then suddenly, the headless body sits up! It would have been hilarious to see Mayweather and Phlox scream! And the following scenes write themselves. Especially during the rescue attempt.


Mayweather Uh, Captain. I think I left my screen time down there.

The Suliban Cell ship was so complicated to operate, it took Tucker over one year solid until he found the cloaking device and the ship's most experienced pilot to navigate. But yet in "Shockwave", Part 2, Archer can just hop into one and take off back to Enterprise.


Archer Whatever we do, we don't want to interferre with the natural evolution of this culture. So let's tell them we're genetically engineered super soldiers with advanced technology and we work for their number one enemy and plan to kill them all with highly advanced weaponry.

Whatever.


Reed But I Am a Super Soldier!



Can't you tell just by looking?


Silik and Archer You left my captured Suliban ship down there, too? You Bastard!

They had a partially working Suliban Cell ship for more than one year, and we never heard or saw it until now.

Continuity is suppose to work ALL the time, not just when the writers want it to work to get whatever current script's story they have at the moment off the ground. The Continuity Switch is either in the "On" position, or it's in the "Off" position. Pick one. Then let us know what you're doing.


Admiral Forrest You had a captured Suliban ship and you didn't even tell me? I can't believe we gave you a starship.

The Suliban are causing havoc all throughout the quadrant, and after Archer and T'Pol found out, they both informed Starfleet and the Vulcan High Command. The Vulcans might not believe it, but after finding out Archer had a captured Suliban Cell ship, the first thing Admiral Forrest would have done was to recall Enterprise and the Cell ship back to Earth. The cloaking technology alone is worth it. But yet they're trying to claim they had a Cell ship for more than a year solid, and never managed to even make a reference to it? And all the other times they needed a cloaked ship for a rescue attempt, no one ever bothered to ask Tucker if he got that thing working yet?

Here is a phrase that we're hearing a lot with Enterprise: If it's not a violation of canon and continuity, what they're doing is a violation of common sense.


Tucker You had a Cell ship and you didn't even tell me? God Damn you're stupid! I can't believe they gave you a starship!

And yet even though they had a cloaking device in their midst the whole time, not once did we ever see Tucker with it at all during the entire year plus.

And where exactly were they keeping that thing? The Shuttlebay was empty and was the only room with a door big enough to allow a Cell ship to enter, unless the writers want to claim they suddenly have some more off screen bays lying around, which wouldn't be surprising considering their attitude about making crap up to fit their current story's needs.

And do we want to ask why they didn't have the repair facility in "Dead Stop" repair the damaged cloaking device on the Cell ship? Both Reed AND Tucker would have wanted that for different reasons. In fact, everyone should have wanted that.


Brannon Braga and Rick Berman Oh, no! We left our suspension of belief down there, too!

While having the Cell ship left over from "Broken Bow" is continuity and is desired by the fans, we want continuity that makes sense. The reappearance of the Cell ship after a year-long unexplainable absense while multiple opportunities screamed out for its uses over the year doesn't make much sense continuity-wise. While it may not be too little, it was definately too late. Over a year too late.

I hate to think this is a "correction" to a mistake made and held-up for more than a season. And this is also proof that the trend of stupid-writing is being continued from the days of Voyager. If the writers want something to be forgotten, they forget it while the viewers shake their heads. If they magically need something there for the convenience of the story, it suddenly shows up again while the viewers shake their heads.

To have the Cell ship disappear for more than a year doesn't make any sense. To have it magically appear NOW because this particular story calls for it doesn't make any sense. And if you want to use the excuse that it took Tucker this long to get the cloaking device working, why didn't they just keep Silik's Cell ship in "Shockwave", Part 2 and let him escape in the old crappy one? Archer's a tard. And so are the writers.


Hoshi Sato Captain. I think we left our ratings down there. Because they're not here.

How convenient that super-secret information vital to the protection of an entire government concerning advanced genetically engineered super-soldiers of the enemy is freely transmitted over communication lines that Hoshi can pick up from orbit and separate from the million other standard communication traffic.

This is why this show, and shows like it (Andromeda: Year Three), sucks. They put characters into a jeopardy, spend a few minutes talking about how its dire and dangerous and could kill them, then they do something simple to get them out of it, making the whole program tedious to intelligent viewers. Hell, this should even be tedious to stupid people.


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