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Voyager "Endgame" Review
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Enterprise review: "Marauders".
(Episode 32)

Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.
Enterprise

THE PREMISE: Enterprise stops by a mining facility, and instead of blowing it up like the last one, they ask for deterium. Klingons show up to rough up the miners, forcing Archer to form a gang to stop them. T'Pol wears a new catsuit.

"Marauders"
Teleplay by David Wilcox.
Story by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
(the usual suspects)


Shuttlepod It's them! No, no, I'm sorry. It's not them. Never mind. But boy am I sure in suspense Now!

What the hell kind of Teaser was this?

"It's them! No wait, it's not them."

Cue the opening credits?!?!

I've said this before: "Build UP the Suspense! Usually they build down the suspense. But this Teaser, this Teaser appears to have gone sideways in suspense. What the F*ck?


T'Pol Tie-Dyed It's a good thing I have 27 catsuits, in case I lose 26.

The first time they get T'Pol out of her catsuit, and...

...and...

...and...




...and they put her in another catsuit!!!!


Tucker It's a good thing you stopped by with an Engineer. Because our mining facility doesn't have anyone who knows how to operate or repair our own mining equipment.

The mining equipment breaks down, and no one at the mining facility knows how to repair it?

But yet you turn around and show the head boss so experienced he actually fixes a tractor by himself?

Whatever.


Reed and Mayweather As my new young ward, I ask you to only use this power for good.

In "The Andorian Incident", after failing to detect the Andorian ship at the Vulcan monastery and complaining about it, Reed then fails to even scan for the Vulcan Spy Array.

In "Shadows of P'Jem", Reed surpasses Tucker's Engineering abilities when he scans and detects Archer's stolen Shuttlepod before the actual expert does.

In "Oasis", Reed scanned the alien ship so closely he could tell the ship wasn't actually attacked. Yet he couldn't detect several Escape Pods in orbit of the planet before they even got to the ship. Nor did he detect the mass graves of the crew nearby in the field.

So in this episode what do we get? MAYWEATHER apparently now has the ability to scan incoming ships from the pilot's station. Yeah, we know the consoles are somewhat interchangable, because Uhura could open hailing frequencies from Chekov's station in "Balance of Terror". But having the pilot scan the system when Tactical Officer Reed is RIGHT THERE manning the scanners... what the hell was he doing?


Phlox No, no. Build Up the Suspense.

And to make sure the viewers catch on that something was up, Phlox got hugely suspicious when the mining facility's Doctor wanted medical equipment.


Braga Let Braga write you a crap script, you get a crap episode. Let Braga continue to write crap scripts, you get crappy episodes for a lifetime.

Inspired by Archer's "Give a Man a Fish" inspirational speach... Ten Things that could have improved this episode.

10. Enterprise engages in a battle with the Klingon Freighter. Up to now, the Enterprise has NEVER engaged in a battle with the Klingons.

9. The giant cannisters on the Klingon Freighter explode. That would have looked cool.

8. Archer screws up, the Klingons pose a greater threat, and Archer has to kill them to solve the problem.

7. Miners actually die during the battle with the Klingons, instead of playing out like the Little Rascals.

6. Archer screws up, and the kid dies.

5. T'Pol decides to NOT wear high-heel shoes in the desert.

4. Someone takes a shot, ignites the gas, and blows up the entire mining facility, killing people on all sides.

3. Mayweather actually speaks.

2. Archer and gang use vehicles in the combat. There was afterall a tractor present.

1. After the Klingons are beat, they beam up, only to fire a shot from orbit that destroys the mining facility out of revenge. The miners were afterall a safe distance away in the hills.


Hoshi Sato Uhm, Captain, they're speaking English. Don't you hear that?

Every encounter with the Klingons, they needed an interpreter. Yet suddenly, they all speak perfect English.

Even T'Pol can hear them speak when the others can't, even though Tuvok revealed on Voyager that his pointy ears don't make Vulcans hear better, plus T'Pol didn't understand Klingon in "Sleeping Dogs".


Klingons Continuity? What's that?

While it does make sense that the Klingon Freighter would need good quality transporters, it doesn't explain how they can beam up and down faster than the transporters seen in Picard's time.


Reed My, I quite fancy that big Klingon in the fur. Er, I mean, Kill'Em All! Yeah! I'm not gay. No Way! Kill'Em All! Just... Maybe not that big one in the fur.

The only one single time Reed was ever even close to the Klingons, they were all unconscious on their ship.

Yet suddenly here, he's a combat expert on their fighting strenghts and weaknesses as he educates the miners.

And so is T'Pol.


Marauders Okay, Parker's got a reading. Vasquez, you take point. Bishop, go find Ripley.

The Klingons were SOOOOoooo violent, they manage to not kill one single person in this entire intense combat sequence involving miners taking a stand. Instead, they almost play it up like Keystone Cops or the Little Rascals.


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