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22- Vox Sola
23- Fallen Hero
24- Desert Crossing
25- 2 Days & 2 Nights
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27- Shockwave 2
28- Carbon Creek
29- Mine Field
30- Dead Stop
31- A Night in Sickbay
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48- Cogenitor
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51- Bounty
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56- Rajiin
57- Impulse
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59- The Shipment
60- Twilight
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62- Similitude
63- Carpenter Street
64- Chosen Realm
65- Proving Ground
66- Stratagem
67- Harbinger
68- Doctors Orders
69- Hatchery
70 - Azati Prime
71 - Damage
72- The Forgotten
73 - E2
74 - The Council
75- Countdown
76- Zero Hour
77- Storm Front 1
78- Storm Front 2
79- Home
80- Borderland
81- C-12
82- The Augments
83- The Forge
84- Awakening
85- Kir'Shara
86- Daedalus
87- Observer Effect
88- Babel One
89- United
90- The Aeanar
91- Affliction
92- Divergence
93- Bound
94- In a Mirror Darkly Pt 1
95- In a Mirror Darkly Pt 2
96- Demons
97- Terra Prime
98- Trip Dies in Riker's Holodeck!

Enterprise Characters
Breakdown of who's who.

Enterprise Actors
Breakdown of who's ugly.

Star Trek History
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Detachable Saucer
Classify this under "What If?"

Letters
What other people think.

Voyager "Endgame" Review
Their last episode. Our first review.









Enterprise review: "Broken Bow".
(Episode 1&2)

Reviewed by Richard Whettestone.
Enterprise

THE PREMISE: Klaang the Klingon is shot down by Suliban and is found in a cornfield on Earth. Deciding to use this as an excuse to fire up their new ship, Captain Archer assembles his crew, grabs the Klingon, and takes off to the Klingon homeworld to drop him off. Along the way he has to deal with evil Suliban who kidnap Klaang at the orders of someone from the future.

"Broken Bow"
Written by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
(the usual suspects)


Farmer's Silo
My Cousin in Iowa had a similar problem with SeaQuest crashing in his cornfield, too.

How do you contrast an alien or futuristic vehicle? Crash it in a hillbilly farming community.

SeaQuest was dropped in an Iowa cornfield. Marty McFly crashed his Deloreon in a farmer's barn. The movie "Spaced Invaders" found the aliens crashing in Big Bean, Illinois. And now the Klingons crash in an Oklahoma cornfield. How come you never hear about aliens crashing their ship into Six Flags or downtown Toronto?


Beverly Hillbillies
Well doggy Pa, we shot ourselves a Klingot! Let's take him back to the cement pond so granny can fry'em up for dinner!

The Enterprise "Broken Bow" script says the farmer shot Klaang the Klingon with a "22nd century Plasma Shotgun". And just what kind of critters on a farm needs to be taken out with anything that shoots plasma energy? What the hell are they growing?



(And they loaded up the truck and they moved to Bever-ly)


Dr. Phlox
If at first you don't succeed, make Neelix a Doctor.

His hair is styled silly, just like Neelix. He wears whacky colored clothes, just like Neelix. He's constantly messing with pots and pans, just like Neelix. He was described by the Producers as "Exotic", just like Neelix. He's short and fat, just like Neelix. He's laughing and smiling all the time, just like Neelix. And his name ends with an "X", just like Neelix.

On the bright side, he's annoying.




Just like Neelix.


EnterpriseAkira

Okay, we're done pioneering the technology. Can we go home now?

On the right we have the advanced Federation starship Akira, equipped with the most modern up-to-date technology you can find.

On the left we have a 200 year old spaceship Enterprise which doesn't have any phasers, shields or photon torpedoes, and can hardly meet Warp 4 without Captain Archer spending twenty minutes restraightening the picture frames every time they enter orbit.

Even with the writer's bible reminding us that Reed and Tucker may have conflict because Reed wants to take over sections of Engineering space for storage of bulky new up-and-coming weapon technology that doesn't fit, does it make sense to anyone that the design still manages to work in Picard's time?

Wouldn't it have been more fun to learn Enterprise has a design flaw that caused future ships to be the way they are, instead of coming up with one perfect design that still holds up today? These people are suppose to be pioneering this stuff, NOT getting it exactly right the first time.


Zephram Cochrane Ain't none of you named Picard, are ya? Because I know your grandson.

That's right. Sure, I am bearing the burden of the future in my hands. I was told about what will to come and it's all because of me. Your future and your children's future is all because of me and what I created with the help of your great-grandchildren on the starship Enterprise that I'm not supposed to tell you about. Even when I was told that the new ship me and Mr. Archer were working together on was going to be called Enterprise, I didn't get light-headed, cry or anything. Why, there's even going to be a statue constructed in my honor some day. I'm not even going to show concern or a sweat. I'm holding my anxiety well. There isn't no pressure getting to me, nah. I'm okay. The entire future might cease to exist or get messed up in some other way if I say or do the wrong things, but I'm okay. I think I'll take off to another planet and hide out with an alien for awhile.

Oh, by the way, keep an eye out for Borg. I hear they ain't too good.


Admiral
Captain Archer, I would like to introduce you to Admiral Berman, Captain Braga, and Ambassador Roddenberry.

Admiral Forrest? Admiral Williams? Admiral Leonard?
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

You know, Berman and Braga have made clear attempts to eliminate the Star Trek past prior to their involvement, yet now that it can work to their advantage they go out of their way to rub it in our noses. They suck. What's next? The Enterprise crew get stranded on planet Nichelle? Archer gets abducted by the Majel regime? Charlie Tucker saves the ship by installing a Koenig Capacitor? An inside joke is one thing, but this is blatant and in your face. Never, NEVER do this again!


Zefram Cochrane
Yeap, that's my screen time you see flying away.

When The Next Generation premiered, it featured an appearance by Doctor (Admiral) McCoy from the original series. When Deep Space 9 premiered, it featured an appearance by Captain Picard from Next Generation. When Voyager premiered, it featured an appearance by Quark from Deep Space 9.

When Enterprise premiered, it featured pre-recorded archival stock footage of old Zefram Cochrane recorded decades earlier, while the emphasis of the scene isn't on Cochrane but rather on the new crew as they strap themselves into their seats, ignoring the very words that Cochrane speaks, as they flip the "Go" button to launch the ship, completely distracting from what Cochrane says.

Admiral McCoy had five good minutes with Data. Picard had a regretful confrontation with Sisko ("I was at Wolf 359"). Quark had a few good minutes. But Cochrane? Grainy Stock Footage.


Dr. Phlox You use toilet paper to wipe your what?

Did we really need an alien that has a buttcrack on his head?

We're going to have to look at that for at least five television seasons, you know.


Dr. Phlox Exotic? Try again!

Dr. Phlox was constantly promoted by Berman & Braga as being "Exotic". Exotic? Where? When? How?

He talks normal. He has yet another bumpy-forehead. He's a carbon copy of Neelix. He even looks like a watered-down Cardassian. I don't think Berman & Braga knows what "Exotic" means.

The most exotic thing about Phlox is he has a pot-belly, something we haven't seen on Star Trek since Admiral Quinn in NexTrek's first season episode "Conspiracy".


Enterprise cast Enterprise cast
But any of them could die at any moment, honest!

B&B are so insistant that this show is going to be so different than the others (including dropping the title "Star Trek"), yet they still continue to rely on the old predictable formula of just seven characters.

Where is the suspense? You have no room to go anywhere. No deaths (Tasha). No Suspense. No epic stories. No promotions (Geordi). No transfers (O'Brien). No exits (Wesley). Nameless Ensigns endlessly rome the hallways (just not as many). You know, it's a small ship. Actually identifying a few others onboard well beyond "seven guys" would not have been a bad thing.

Babylon 5 and Deep Space 9 managed large casts. Babylon 5 and SeaQuest killed main characters. Yet Enterprise still only has seven guys. You actually in suspense that one of them might die soon?

The Next Generation started out with nine and killed off Tasha as a fluke. Then the Producers tried to remove Dr. Crusher to tone down the cast further. Why can't they comprehend a cast in double digits? Where do you go when you've only got so few to begin with? You better like the cast, because you're going to be stuck with them for a half a decade. With ONLY seven characters, there is NO room to move. Anywhere.


Sarin
No, no. Build up the suspense.

So Sarin stands there face-to-face with Archer and blatantly says:

"The Suliban have been staging attacks within the Klingon Empire... making it appear that one faction is attacking another. [...] Klaang was bringing proof of this to his High Council. Without that proof, the Empire could be thrown into chaos. [...] The Cabal doesn't make decisions on its own. They're simply soldiers... fighting a Temporal Cold War. [...] They're taking orders from the distant future."

"Enterprise" claims to have a continuing story from the beginning that no other Trek series has ever had before. However what's going to end up happening is a token "big picture" episode few and far between, as the bulk of the stories rely on aliens-of-the-week. Laying it all out for Archer from Day One is stupid, because this clearly shows there isn't going to be much more added. If Archer already knows about the information from the future, where else can you go? Have Archer find the man? You know that won't happen. Then what? Berman & Braga aren't that smart to make it work.

I remember a little show called "Babylon 5" which built up the Shadow War. I remember how the Shadows didn't show up until ten episodes into the show, as every so often more and more information was revealed about them. But it's obvious already that not much more is going to come from this for the long haul. Unless Berman and Braga already had so much more they planned to do. And what are the odds of that?

As further evidence, Brannon Braga himself has stated: "We won't for a very long time know who or why this is going on. [...] I can't explain it further because I haven't quite developed it yet."

Was this how Straczynski got started? No.


T'Pol We want sexy, not slutty.

What was the sexiest appearance of a female Vulcan? Think back to Kirstie Alley on Star Trek 2. What was the sexiest scene? When she was in the turbolift with Kirk. Saavik was in uniform all day, then suddenly shows up in a loose white robe and her hair down.

But B&B decide instead to give us a slutty Vulcan who dances around in a catsuit 24/7. Yeah, that's sexy. And with the continuation of Seven of Nine's spandex wardrobe, they clearly haven't heard of the phrase "too much".


T'Pol Did she do something with her hair? No.

And when Saavik suddenly showed up with long hair, even Doctor McCoy had to make a comment.

If they wanted her to be sexy, why did B&B give T'Pol a boy haircut? Saavik didn't look like a boy. Valeris didn't look like a boy. It looks like they're making the same intitial mistake with T'Pol's hair in the early episodes as they did with Kes when Voyager got started. Janeway's bun comes to mind.

Saavik


Enterprise at Warp
Warp Four, sir! But she's beginning to shimmy!

To quote Brannon Braga:

"I would definitely say it's about firsts. It's about what it would be like for you and me to go out there in space. These are trained astronauts, but not all of them are entirely comfortable being on a warp ship meeting creepy aliens. They've never done it before now. There is a corny line we keep using about 'making history with every light year'. Every step these people take is being scrutinized back on earth. Nothing is taken for granted. So Enterprise is about making history."

Putting aside the Warp speed differences (and the Warp speed readjustments) between Trek and The Next Generation (Kirk could actually reach Warp 13 while Picard couldn't beat Warp 10), how is the Enterprise NX-01 reaching Warp Four (in the script) or Five (in early statements) that much of a "first" when Picard's Enterprise casually travels at Warp Six on an average day? The differences in one or two warp factors can not be that much of a "first".

And if the flagship (the best ship) of the Federation (Enterprise-D) casually travels at Warp Six in Picard's time, then that means the average lesser ship (USS Hood, Melbourne, Crazyhorse) probably travels at an average lesser Warp speed, closer to what Archer is jumping up and down with joy for being a "first" today. It would have been better to have Archer nearly reach Warp Two in the pilot (an increase from Warp One by a whole Warp factor!), and later be able to beat Warp Three several seasons down the line to show the ship actually pioneering this technology (as B&B claimed). Warp Five now means Warp Five in the final episode many years from now. You have no where else to go without contradicting ST:TOS as we know it.

Reaching Warps One, Two and Three were "firsts". Congratulations, Archer. You're the first to reach "average".


Starfleet map Estimated Time of Arrival: one commercial break.

I remember when Gene Roddenberry wrote The Next Generation's writer's guide in 1986. He wanted to correct the problems of the past series. One of the things he specifically stated was "Do not treat space as our backyard". He didn't like the idea that writers were having the Enterprise planet-hopping in a matter of minutes.

However, it appears that Berman and Braga are doing exactly this, by having Enterprise NX-01 travel from Earth and not only reach the Suliban Helix, but the Rigel Ten Trade Complex and the Klingon homeworld as well, all within the pilot movie. Didn't B&B do something similar in "Star Trek: First Contact" when Picard was able to take the Enterprise from the Romulan Border to Earth's orbit within a few minutes just in time to take over the Federation defense against the Borg?

Now as if the above wasn't bad enough, remember that the Enterprise NX-01 travels at a much slower speed, and is only just capable of reaching Warp Four. How could so much be unexplored if it was all within reach within hours and days?


Butterfly Eater
Been there. Done that.
Wore the T-shirt.

I thought we were exploring new worlds? The Enterprise Bible clearly says:

Ensign Travis Mayweather: A unique product of 22nd Century life, Mayweather was raised on interstellar cargo ships much slower in speed than the Enterprise. As a result Travis is more "interstellar" than even the Captain. He's traveled to dozens of planets and met many different alien species.

This, combined with the fact Mayweather has already been to the Rigel Ten Trade Complex before, clearly shows that space has been within our reach for awhile now. If Ensign Mayweather could have been born out in space as even his parents were traveling through all these years, then why was Archer so obsessed with trying to take the hard way (if it was such a limit, what stopped the Mayweather family?), and how could the Vulcans have been limiting the humans in their space exploration when even Mayweather has already been there? And with people like the Mayweathers, wouldn't starfleet or the Earth governments sent out people to try to obtain more advanced technology from other races since the Vulcans were intentionally holding them back? We can't explore new worlds if other people have already been there, especially Mayweather with his little quips like "I've been here before. Nice people".

Isn't the phrase "To boldly go where NO ONE has gone before"? Since when is space exploration now summed up with "To boldly go where Mayweather, his parents, and other people like him have gone before while Archer sat at home and bitched about the Vulcans."


Mayweather
We'll trade you this stash of Earth porn for your warp technology. Just don't tell the Vulcans.

Another problem arrises from the Mayweathers and other people and families like him. If the Vulcans were holding Earth back in their warp technology, why not just trade for it with other races? We've already come into contact with them. Dr. Phlox casually working at starfleet medical is another example. Hoshi Sato teaching an entire class on how to speak alien languages is yet another example of our alien contacts having happened.

If these aliens didn't have a problem encountering humans with the aliens' lesser technology, then we shouldn't have a problem finding the aliens with our Warp Two limits, so the Vulcans weren't an obstacle as Archer and others insisted. If these aliens do have advanced warp technology, then surely they would have traded a small vessel for some stuff. If we can get the attention of the Vulcans of all people, we can get the attention of other races as well with something they would want. This is further supported with the later episode "Unexpected" in which the Enterprise obtains Holographic technology from an alien-of-the-week.

The limits the Vulcans have put on us by withholding information just doesn't hold up with what else that has been revealed on the show.


Feisty Klingons
The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!

Four days there and four days back between Earth and the Klingon homeworld? And that's at warp four. Why did Deep Space 9 have such a terrible problem with their war between the Klingons for a season if at warp 9 they could have reached Earth's orbit in under two days?

How could Kirk's generation possibly explore space realistically if the Earth/Klingon Neutral Zone was just four days out? Actually, since Kirk's Enterprise could travel faster than Archer's, how can starships explore space for five year missions with a wall of space keeping all starships from traveling further than three days in a whole specific direction?


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