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Enterprise Characters
Breakdown of who's who.

Enterprise Actors
Breakdown of who's ugly.

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Detachable Saucer
Classify this under "What If?"

Letters
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Voyager "Endgame" Review
Their last episode. Our first review.









The Cast: Who's Right? Who's Wrong?

By Richard Whettestone.


Archer

Scott Bakula

I'm sorry, I can't explain it. It doesn't make sense. But Bakula sucks at playing Captain Archer.

The reason why it doesn't make any sense is because Scott Bakula played virtually a different character every week on "Quantum Leap". Bakula was versatile enough to go from baseball player to priest, to dancer to chimpanzee, to farmer to mother. Yet when it comes to Archer, he just falls flat. Can anyone explain this?

Many fans speculate that perhaps Bakula could play Archer better if he played him as Quantum Leap's Sam Beckett playing Captain Archer.

Tucker

Connor Trinneer

Trip Tucker just seems more likable than some of the other characters. Connor Trinneer is the reason why. Even if the episode sucks, which is quite often, Trinneer manages to make it watchable when he is on screen. Example: "Strange New World".

For the first episodes after the pilot movie the viewers still need time to connect with the characters and figure them out. So it's not exactly intelligent to open the series with an episode where the crew acts out of character because of an outside influence (in this case pollen). But it was the first indication that Trinneer can salvage what he has. Maybe it's not his acting ability. Maybe it's just because of his eyes or his hillbilly accent. But it works. Whatever it is it works better than what Bakula is doing.

If after several seasons, Archer gets killed on a mission and Tucker takes command, this wouldn't necessarily make the show worst.


T'Pol

Jolene Blalock

Jolene Blalock is not beautiful. She looks like a slut, and dresses like one, too. Blalock was hired because she is a Bimbo who took off her clothes for Maxim, and Braga hired her for that reason in an attempt to lure in the horny teenage boys with short-attention-spans at the expense of a legitimate actress who could have taken the character fairly far. I don't recall Kirstie Alley sporting a pair of BJ lips when she played Saavik in Star Trek 2.

Sadly, in Hollywood, this is what they think sexy is. They don't understand that silicone boobs, collagen lips and "Ally McBeal pouting" (tm) will almost always get beaten out by the girl next door look. To quote one Enterprise watcher on the TrekBBS, "It looks like someone beat the sh*t out of her...and then starved her for three weeks. Poor girl."

Jolene Blalock

Also, Brannon Braga wants a hot model on standby so when his relationship with Jeri Ryan breaks up, he's got another bimbo to stick his dick in to.

Hoshi Sato

Linda Park

The Star Trek Producers tell their human actors to tone down their acting, to make the alien actors seem more elaborate, wild and exxagerated. Here they do the same with Linda Park. Because slut Blalock was "supposed" to be the show's sex symbol, they try to tone down Park's natural beauty by almost always having her hair up in a bun or something. The one time she didn't, a scene in "Civilization", and teenage boys everywhere paused the tape and beat off to it.

Linda Park

There's the old joke: Mary-Ann or Ginger? More boys go with Mary-Ann. Hoshi or T'Pol? Hoshi of course. A simple poll with teenage boys at conventions will verify this for Paramount. Linda Park is sexier. Unfortunately, it goes against what Paramount WANTS you to believe, so instead of getting a sexy girl, we get a nerdy-looking girl and a slut in a catsuit.


Reed

Dominic Keating

Dominic Keating does have a fan base. Known on the internet as "Reed-Ragers" and "Reed-Rangers", I now risk upsetting large amounts of them. But Keating's acting is fifty/fifty.

There's an old saying, "If it ain't on the page, it ain't on the stage." Well, that's usually not true with good actors, as Connor Trinner and John Billingsley have repeatedly made this crapfest of a show watchable. Yet here we get to Reed, and he's still a one-minded super soldier:

"Oh looky, torpedoes!" "Oh cool, phase canons!" "Can I have some more ammo!" "I, er I mean, We have to mount a rescue mission!"

Yeah, he did good in "Shuttlepod One", but acted terrible when he acted drunk, just as his acting was terrible when he pretended to have a cold in "Sleeping Dogs". The writing can explain the super-soldier crap, but not the bad emotional stuff. Jury's out on this one.

Phlox John Billingsley

John Billinglsey is a good actor. He proved that with his short lived series "The Others", as well as a variety of roles far apart from eachother, including a government killer on "The X-Files". Too bad he's forced to wear a Michael Westmore created buttcrack on his head.

John Billingsley

However, Dr. Phlox is missing a lot of potential. He was seriously violated in "Dear Doctor" when the original conflict and ending were suddenly rewritten at the last minute at the demands of Paramount Executives, resulting in hardly no drama, no conflict, and an ending in which Archer and Phlox happily agree with eachother to commit mass-genocide. This was a major setback for the character, yet John Billingsley STILL makes this mass murderer likable.


Mayweather

Anthony Montgomery

The Jury is sitting this one out, too. We all know Anthony Montgomery is there as the token black man. It didn't make it any easier when his character was immediately demoted two ranks after the 'black actor' was cast, from Lieutenant (bypassing J.G. Lieutenant) to Ensign.

Anthony Montgomery has proven two things already: The first, he's learning. And the second, he reads the internet. Travis kept smiling all the time in the early episodes, grinning and showing his teeth more than the Aliens that chased Sigourney Weaver. After the first batch of episodes aired, the viewers were making fun of it on the internet. Then suddenly, the smiling stopped.

And there's still two more things that I believe most fans agree on: The first, Montgomery can't act. The second, he needs more to do on the show. Only Hollywood can create a situation where the bad actor needs MORE lines. But because Montgomery showed he's learning, just because he sucks now, that doesn't mean he'll suck later. Unlike Blalock and Bakula, Montgomery is learning and getting better. He earned that extra time to figure things out. Maybe he won't get good. But he's getting better.

Vaughn Armstrong

Admiral Forrest

Due to stupid writers, Enterprise fails in common sense. This includes not being in contact with Starfleet when they should be, and yet having "live" communication with Starfleet via subspace when they should be receiving the transmission on a delay, like it is in Kirk's time.

Yet despite the extremely sucky writing, Vaughn Armstrong manages to salvage what is tossed his way.


Porthos

Porthos

One of the most talented actors on the show, the dog who plays Porthos is so good, they hired two of them to trade off, just like they did with the Olsen Twins on "Full House".

Outshining the abilities of Bakula and certainly Blalock, it only took one year before Braga broke yet another promise of not doing a Porthos-based episode, as the second season "A Night in Sickbay" focuses on the pooch.


T'Pol

"Mr. Whettestone

I have to tell you that your comments about Joleen Blalock have made my month!! It is so good to hear a young guy thinks the same thing I think about her.

I began watching Enterprise when I got married in February. I have always thought Joleen Blalock was ugly and plastic. Then, I recently discovered that my husband has a "thing" for her. I could understand if he had a "thing" for Deanna Troy of The Next Generation. She was beautiful and real. But, this Bimbo -- it' makes my blood boil. I am a 37 year old beautiful, thin, REAL girl next door and I hate how Hollywood makes anyone smaller than a 34 DD unworthy of sex appeal.

Anyway,
Good luck in all of your endeavors
"

- S
October 15, 2002


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